


Stay With Me

by wildcat_88



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Angst and Feels, Badass Rey, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Dirty Thoughts, Dominant Kylo Ren, Drunk Blow Jobs, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Kylo Ren Marine, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Marine Corps, Masturbation in Shower, Minor Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey is feisty, Size Kink, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, rey is tough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:37:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14774135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildcat_88/pseuds/wildcat_88
Summary: When I first saw Kylo I was only a naive teenager.When I saw him six years later at a bar, Kylo was no longer the guy I remembered...





	1. War Inside My Head

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bad for writing this when I know I need to finish the chapter to another story, but I had to write about Marine Kylo.  
> Hopefully you all enjoy!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "War inside my head every night and day  
> I never get no piece of mind  
> It ought to be a sin, I just can't win  
> And pure hell is all I find."  
> -Suicidal Tendencies

“Are you, serious mom, Rey is only fourteen, she’ll only get in the way.” My older brother spat while I sat on the couch in the living room. I couldn't stop fiddling with the ends of my shirt, trying to take my attention away from my older brothers temper. I was watching Scooby-doo when his boisterous voice could be heard from the kitchen. He wasn’t one to have any shame, let alone volume control. He did what he wanted and treated my mom like crap. He thought he had the right to being the male of the household and all.

“I don’t care Tanner. I already told you that you had to watch your sister today. This meeting is _important_.”

“I know mom, but she’s so damn quiet and awkward. She’s old enough to stay home alone.”

“Tanner, don’t be cruel. She’s your sister. You’re going to the bowling alley, let her play, buy her lunch, and be nice or so help me you are grounded for the next year.”

I watched my mom shove a couple 20’s in his hand. I didn't miss the look of agitation scrawled across his face. My mom walked over to me kneeling down, planting her palms on my thighs. 

“Darling, Tanner is going to take you to the bowling alley with a couple of his friends, okay?”

_What else was I supposed to say?_ Tanner was right. I could stay home alone, but my mom was too paranoid. So, I just nodded. A warm smile was cast up at me. She planted a quick kiss on my forehead, getting back to her feet. Then she was rushing out the door with a quick wave of her hand.

Tanner walked with a certain swagger. It was menacing. Dangerous. When you saw Tanner, your first thought was probably how he looked like an angel. I knew he was nothing more than the devil himself. His blonde hair a shaggy mess, long blonde eyelashes encased big blue eyes that made girls obey his every wish. He wasn’t even that tall, perhaps 5'9 at the most. Still, he was stocky. It showed that just because he was shorter it didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of beating your face in with no hesitation.

“So, lil sister, you ready to go bowl?” His voice was calm, but I could read the underlying tone. He _hated_ me. He believed I was weak. I let him have his opinions about me.

I nodded at him. He smiled coldly at me, grabbing his keys and flicked his eyes toward the garage. That was my signal to follow him. One thing I could say that was good about my brother is him being a hard worker. The proof was the muscle car staring back at me. He still works hard to make sure the car’s every need is taken care of. Stepping inside the passenger side, buckling in I feel the car roaring underneath me. He messed with the clutch only for a moment before he shifted into reverse.

The bowling alley wasn’t far off. I was nervous to be going there. I had never met Tanner’s friends before and if they were anything like him then this was not going to go very well for me. When we arrived at my final resting place, he parked with ease. He hopped out of the vehicle so fast. It left me running after him trying to keep him in my sights. I watched warily as he swaggered up to a group of about four or five people.

I forced my legs to move over to them.

One of the girls noticed me first. She was gorgeous, tan skin, sky blue eyes, and long brown hair that draped down a figure I could only wish for.

“Well, who’s this?” Her voice was melodic, with an almost country twang to it.

That’s when the entire group noticed me and I blushed under their scrutiny.

“My younger sister Rey. I’m sorry guys. My mom had shit to do so I have to take care of her today. She’s quiet, doesn’t say much so it’s almost like she won’t even be here.”

The group acknowledged what he said, shifting their attention away from me to chat with each other. The girl who noticed me first along with another girl who was similar in beauty to her at one point went to buy games for the entire group. I thought it was strange that they were paying for all these guys, but just as I conjured that thought, a man who I hadn’t noticed before stood up and followed the girls.

He was a _giant._ How I had not noticed him before escapes me at this point. He had to be reaching over 6’4, made of pure muscle. His build makes his already tall frame even larger and more menacing. Ebony locks were just long enough for him to run his fingers through it. It was nothing like my brother's unkempt mop. This man had dark hair and even darker eyes that stood out against his light skin. I watched him tell something to the girls, then he was placing money into the cashier’s hands. The girls both giggled and I assumed thanked him. He didn’t even crack a smile, just a slight nod of his head, and he was walking back over to the group.

“You guys need to go get your shoes, like I fucking know what all of your sizes are,” the brooding giant muttered to the group.

I didn’t know what I expected his voice to sound like. It was husky and enticing. _Was this guy really eighteen?_

My brother looked at me, “What’s your shoe size sis?”

“5,” I mumbled only loud enough for him to hear. He nodded, moving towards the booth where they were handing out bowling shoes. The two girls kept giggling to each other and a red-headed guy was just minding his own business playing on his phone. I continued to scan all of them. It took me off guard when I connected with depths of black. I jumped a little in my seat, he totally noticed the movement. Dark eyes flickered down then back to my eyes. His face remained stone cold, passive. _Why was he looking at me?_

My brother came back handing my shoes to me. He hastily slipped out of his own, pulling the bowling shoes on and immediately went to put his name in first. The redhead followed, then the two girls, the brute, and I wound up being last.

The game started. Immediately I realized my brother took bowling quite seriously. He was able to get a strike right away making sure to gloat in our faces like the child he was. I noted that the brute was just as quiet as me. He hardly smiled or reacted to my brother or the girls. Both the girls sucked, but I’m sure they were just trying to focus on being cute. His name was Kylo as I came to find out. My brother constantly talked to him, being the initial leader of the conversation. Kylo put in his 2 cents when it seemed he felt like saying something.

I couldn’t help wondering how this strange group of people became friends. They were all completely different from one another. The two girls were the primadonna type, the redhead was a geek, to say the least. My brother was your typical bad boy. 

Kylo was in a league all of his own. He wore black jeans that hugged his muscular thighs. A leather jacket over a black shirt that stretched across the wide expanse of his chest. I had never seen anyone wear steel-toed boots for the hell of it. They were much nicer than the typical tennis shoes I saw on teenagers. I don’t know why my eyes flicked back up to where there was a slight bump hidden by the zipper of his jeans. Heat spanned the entire length of my body. His eyes were vicious depths of black that scared the living crap out of me when they landed on me once again noticing where I was staring. He quirked a brow at me. I blushed heavily tearing my eyes away from his knowing stare.

When Kylo’s turn arrived, he grabbed a ball that read ‘15’ with ease, got into form throwing the ball. It glided as if it was a pinball across the lane hitting all the pins down with the strength that went behind the throw. When it was my turn, I stood on wobbly legs spotting a ball that said 8. Taking it in my shaky hands I walked past the brute as my brother congratulated him.

I was no pro at bowling, but I did my best and managed to knock down 5 of the pins. I went to get another ball and made eye contact with Kylo. _Why was he always staring at me as if he was trying to figure out my angle?_ I grabbed the ball I needed and was able to succeed at knocking down two more pins. The giggly duo told me 'good job.' I smiled at them.

Unfortunately, the only spot open was next to Kylo. I hesitantly lowered myself onto the couch beside him, my skin throbbing at the nearness of him. His long arms were splayed over the top of the couch, causing me to feel all the heat radiating off him. I wouldn’t dare look up right now so I focused on my fingers until my turn arrived again.

Time ticked by slowly, but finally, the game was completely over. My brother won with Kylo coming in a close second. I at least won the two girls.

“Let’s play video games!” The blonde girl shouted.

My brother was the first to agree. He bought coins, giving me some before going off to hang out with redhead and the girls. Kylo bought some coins too, stalking over to the boxing game. He put the coin in the machine and waited patiently. The small bag fell down, he looked like a wild animal as he got into a warrior's stance. In the blink of an eye his fist connected with the bag causing it to slam back where it belonged. His score ranked up past the original high score. Still, not even the slightest fraction of a smile appeared on his perfect face. Such a strong jawline I thought with a sigh.

He was intense. Midnight eyes flicked over to me, a wolfish smile formed on his countenance catching me completely off guard. In my moment of weakness, my body awakened. I had never felt this feeling before, everything tingled in places I knew shouldn’t be doing that. A feeling I was unfamiliar twisted low in my belly. What the _hell_ was happening to me?

He took off his jacket still maintaining eye contact. He wasn’t wearing a t-shirt, but a tank top instead that showcased the tight muscle underneath it. I scanned over the ink that started at his left shoulder and ran down all the way to his wrist. I wasn’t close enough to make out what they were though. 

He was broad-shouldered, with powerfully built biceps that led to forearms where the veins stood out against the hard muscle. His hands were massive. They look like they could wrap easily around my throat, and why the hell was I thinking about that? My face heated. I saw his sinister eyes take in my exposed arms and legs that were getting just as red as my face.

He was enjoying this, making me feel whatever I was feeling. He didn’t seem to care who I was, how old I was or what I looked like. I could tell he found pure enjoyment in riling me up.

He understood what he did to women.

I had no right to judge him or call him a womanizer.

Though he was quiet he still seemed confident in himself unlike me. He went back to his game and punched it again. This time I was able to see all the thick muscle ripple with the movement. That’s the moment I tore my traitorous eyes away and played the TEKKEN game that I loved playing on my ps3.

I let myself get consumed with winning. I’m not sure how much time passed on before I noticed someone was definitely watching me. I peeked over my shoulder, seeing Kylo looming there behind me. My eyes widened to comical proportions. I had to force myself to pay attention to the game before me. I ended up losing. Slowly turning around, I leaned against the game having to crane my head back to be able to make eye contact with him.

“Was waiting for you to die, took a while,” he stated in that husky drawl of his.

I couldn’t form words even if I wanted to. I forced a shaky smile on my face giving him a nod.

“You’re good at this game, want to play multiplayer?”

I hesitated before I gave him another quick nod. He put money in both slots of the machine. He took his place on the left side, one hand on the buttons, and the other on the toggle. I proceeded to stand beside him on the right side. He towered over me making me feel a lot smaller than I already felt. Shaking my head, I make myself grab the toggle and place my other hand on the buttons. We chose our characters, he was Steve, and I was Jin. The round began, his fingers glided across the buttons with ease. I struggled to counter his attacks. I was able to get in a few kicks and punches before he ended me. We played a few more rounds, but my brother told me it was time to go right after that.

Kylo killed me every time, it was nice to know he didn’t just let me win.

“Later kid,” Kylo said directly to me when we were all outside. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. The redhead doing the same.

I smiled at him, waving goodbye. He shook my brother’s hand and then I was inside my brother’s car once again. The moment both our seat belts were fastened, my brother said something I never expected him to say, “Don’t look at Kylo like that anymore,” he harshly spat at me. Wincing away from his sudden anger, I gave him a confused look.

He scoffed, “Don’t look at him like you wouldn’t mind getting on your knees and letting him shove his cock down your throat.” A tiny gasp left my throat at his dirty words.

“Stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You’re a teenager. Your hormones are acting up. I could see the way you looked at him when he was hitting that bag and when he played your stupid game with you. Let me tell you this, he’s eighteen, he can have any pussy he wants, he doesn’t want some fourteen-year-old brat who has no chest or ass. Alright? So stop giving him puppy eyes.”

I felt the hot tears slip down my cheeks. I could only nod through the lump in my throat. My brother truly was the devil.

* * *

Rey

Age 16

Tears from laughing too hard were falling down my face. I was trying to escape from Trish who was yelling Marco and getting way too close to me. I was practically right beside her saying Polo. I was doing my best to make my voice sound farther away, it wasn’t working in my favor. When Trish landed her palm on my shoulder, the game was over. We had been playing for an hour already and we were getting worn out.

Trish and Jen decided to get out of the pool for a little bit, laying down on the lounge chairs soaking up the rays of the sun. As for me, I continued to wade around in the water.

I had known Trish and Rose for a few years. They were definitely the best friends I could have ever asked for. Trish was around 5’5 with beautiful dark skin and the bluest eyes ever. Rose was her polar opposite with dark eyes and light skin. Both of them were around the same height. We were all chatting when I felt that familiar tingle go up my spine, my senses homing in on his staggering frame as he walked out beside my brother.

“Aw damn the children are playing,” My brother sighed as he approached closer to the pool.

“The only child I see is you,” Trish declared. My brother glowered at her before turning his attention back to me.

“Can’t you tame your friends’, idiot?”

“You’re an asshole,” I hissed, not in the mood to take my brother's childish antics.

“Well, we’re coming in whether you like it or not.”

“There’s room for all of us, now who’s the idiot?” I chided.

He turned around in his anger, tearing his shirt over his head revealing his stocky build.

“Cannonball!” He exclaimed, jumping and tucking his knees to his chest creating a large splash. It ended up landing on Trish and Rose who both started to shout at my brother.

However, I was completely mesmerized by Kylo. He grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling it with ease over his head. The movement was so hot. It alone made me want to go underwater and not come back up. He placed the shirt on a chair. There was no doubt that Kylo spent countless hours at the gym. His traps were massive leading down to a back that was all thick cuts and sleek lines. When he turned around there was a light smattering of black hair on his chest making him even more enticing than he already was. I let my attention wander down to the six-pack he's sporting. He was cut to perfection.

The dark happy trail that led into his black board shorts made me cast my eyes lower. It was proving to be difficult to push down the carnal thoughts whirling around in my head. Kylo dove into the water, reaching the other end without coming up for air once. When he reached the surface he slicked his hair back. Water dripped enticingly down his face to his neck. My eyes watched the movement and his eyes watched mine follow the path.

I blushed instinctively. I swam quickly over to where Rose and Trish were, striking up a conversation with the two of them. My brother swam over to Kylo and they began talking about something.

“He’s so fucking hot,” Rose whispered to Trish and me.

“Who?” Trish asked.

“Tanner.”

“Ew, you think my brother is hot??”

“Of course I do, he’s got the perfect features.”

“I think you’re blind,” Trish laughed.

“Kylo is sexy,” the words slipped out of my mouth before I could take them back.

Both of them stared at me wide-eyed, “You have the hots for Kylo?” Trish asked shocked.

“W-what no, of course not, b-but he’s obviously not ugly.”

“He’s scary as hell that’s what he is,” Rose shivered as if remembering something dark.

“He’s not that scary,” I murmur under my breath. When they decided to go inside, I pulled myself out of the pool, seeing that Kylo was watching my every movement. My body had gotten curves finally. I had a pretty decent sized ass that could fill out my bathing suit bottoms, my chest was nothing to write home about, but they were at least a perky set of tits.

Those pools of black made my body fill with heat. I wrapped the towel around me following my friends into my house. Trying to put his dark looks out of my head.

As the day passed on, we girls played more games until they had to go. My brother and Kylo were still hanging out downstairs. They were drinking beer, they had probably smoked too because my mom wasn’t going to be home for another couple of days. I was being nosy as I listened to them talking.

“God, I wish that Rose girl wasn’t so young. I would devour that tight body,” my brother professed to Kylo.

“Just because she has a nice body doesn’t mean she’s not a kid. Be careful.”

“I know, but come on, man, wouldn’t you want her?”

“No, she’s not my type.”

“And what is your type? A guy? Because I never see you talking to girls.”

“I’m not gay and my type of girl is someone I can get along with.”

“You’re a big ol’ teddy bear Kylo.”

“Fuck off.”

They continued to drink, my brother got a call from some girl and told Kylo he could crash on the couch then headed upstairs.

* * *

At some point in the night, I went downstairs to get a drink of water. I heard a girl in my brother’s room but chose to ignore it.

I got a cup from the cupboard and filled it with water, taking a sip I noticed a faint light illuminating the den. Upon closer inspection, I noted the television was still on, soft voices could be heard. My heart stopped beating for a split second when I saw Kylo was sprawled on the couch. His immense body consuming the small space.

He looked so peaceful for once. His face didn’t have those hard defined lines which made him look older than he was. At this moment he looked like a young boy, and I couldn’t stop the smile that crossed my face.

Suddenly, his eyes were open. I could tell he was startled by my presence because he jumped to his feet causing me to fall on my ass scurrying away from him. He caught me by the front of my shirt hoisting me to my feet as if I were nothing but a bag of air.

His face was inches from mine, his breath’s coming out harsh almost panicked. I watched understanding dawn on him. He searched my terrified eyes. I could feel his large hand touching in between my bare breasts through the thin material. When he too saw where he was touching me I swear that’s when I saw his eyes darken even further.

“I-it’s just me Kylo.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing huh?”

“I saw a light, I didn’t realize you were still here,” my voice trembled the entire time.

He let go of me, but his eyes still remained on my chest. I could feel my nipples straining against the cotton.

“It would be in your best interest to not sneak up on me like that.”

“I didn’t realize I would scare you so easily…”

His dark eyes drilled into me, it was an uneasy feeling consuming me at the nearness of us. It made me realize just how tall and burly he was. He dwarfed me, it was daunting to feel this small.

“What do you want from me kid?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m 20, you’re 16 you understand that right?”

“Of course I understand that I’m just not sure what you’re getting at?” I couldn’t stop the quiver that caused my voice to rattle.

“You think I don’t see the way you look at me?” His voice was still hoarse with sleep which made his words even more threatening.

“I’m sorry?”

“You have to cut that shit out ok? I can’t act on whatever you want me to do to you.”

“I don’t want you to do anything!” My voice rose with anger at his abrasiveness.

His jaw ticked a little as he raised a skeptical brow.

“Alright kid, whatever you say.” He lay back on the couch, crossing his arms behind his head which showed off the taut veins in his biceps. Of course, my eyes betrayed me and drank him in like I had been in the desert without water for one hundred days.

“I have to go back to bed.”

“Goodnight then,” he replied shutting his eyes.

I continued to drink in all his features. His hair had grown out a bit. It sailed past his nape barely touching his shoulders. I now noticed the scar that cut through his right eyebrow where the hair didn’t grow back. He had another more prominent scar that ran along his neck. I could see slight freckles that ran along his forearms where the dark hair made them not as noticeable. His shirt rode up revealing those tapered hips again and the hair that led to a place that I guess I really did want to see due to my curiosity. There was a slight bulge in that area that caused me to blush.

His eyes opened up again and immediately took in the blush on my face as well as the location where my eyes had just been. His eyes flicked down to his lower body and without a care, in the world, he shoved his hand into his shorts readjusting himself. When he retrieved his hand, he placed it on his stomach and dared me to say something or leave.

“Thought you were going to go to sleep, not eye-fuck me.”

I blubbered like an idiot, trying to find words that were escaping me at his bluntness.

“I-I was _not_ doing that,” I stammered.

“I’m pretty fucking sure that’s exactly what you were doing,” he growled, standing to his full height to tower before me. He grasped onto my chin with his thumb and pointer finger making me peer up at him.

“K-Kylo,” I whispered staring into his menacing eyes.

“You don’t want to mess with me kid, I’m telling you straight up that I am not a good guy. I have done things in my life that I regret, but I’ll continue to do that shit to survive. You need to understand I can’t do this, can’t take away your innocence like a barbarian. You need to grow up, focus on school, and forget about me.”

My heart was pounding in my chest. There was something hazardous that he was keeping hidden from everybody. It was why his smiles were rare, why he never talked unless he needed to. It tied all the reasons why he was the way he was together. Something was troubling him deeply and he had no one he could trust. My heart ached for him. I knew I would never know his darkest secret even though I wish I could break the wall he just put between us forever.

“I wish I could help…”

He gave me one of those rare smiles, “No one can change my path, but me Rey.”

“You said my name for once, not kid,” I laughed at the thought.

“Go to sleep.” He turned from me, grabbed his shoes pulling them on hurriedly, moving out the door and I knew out of my life.

* * *

SIX YEARS LATER

“21 at last!” Trish declared raising a shot glass towards me. I grabbed mine and we dinked our glasses together. Both of us throw our shots back and slammed them on the table. We were about six shots in. We had both gotten to the very high level of being buzzed.

I worked my ass off right out of high school to become a social worker helping children to get out of abusive households. I loved my job, but it was a stressful career to have before you were even 2. So, it felt nice to throw back some shots, and relax thoroughly on my birthday. Rose was off in Arizona becoming a Veterinarian, and Trish ran her own successful bakery.

We still kept in touch with Rose, but we all understood we had different lives now.

My brother is a mechanic, some may say ‘oh that’s a shitty job’, but he specializes in older models of cars. So, he’s making it in that job. As for Kylo, the last I heard of him he was joining the Marines, that was when he was 20, he’d be 26 now. I know my brother still keeps in touch with him through letters. When I ask about Kylo he only tells me he is still alive.

“I’m glad we can do this. I needed a break.”

“Me too girl,” she signals to the bartender for another round.

“We’re going to get wasted if we keep going this fast,” I tease.

“That’s the point darling, you’re only 21 once!”

We knocked back a couple more shots. I checked the time it read 11 pm. I was ecstatic I could sleep in tomorrow.

That’s when I noticed out the corner of my eye a bulky guy, his hand was dwarfing a Samuel Adams bottle. I could see the veins that stood out against his pale skin, but what really stood out was the tattoo running down his right arm. It looked like a bunch of thorns trapping a dragon. A little lower was a warrior woman crying out, her hand reaching out for the dragon. Lightning was striking all around them, dark clouds were cast above the dragon. I could see the tears running down the beautiful woman’s face and my heart could feel her pain.

It looked like a painting against his skin, my eyes widened at how big his biceps were. I never saw muscles like that in real life. I finally took in the side of his face, he had a strong jaw, and eyebrows that I could tell were furrowed. His dark hair was cut short as if it had been shaved a couple times, but he was finally letting it grow out. That’s when his eyes met mine. They were so dark I almost felt like I got trapped in a black hole. Those eyes were haunted and his expression turned confused when he got a good look at me. It almost looked as if he knew me, but I was having a hard time figuring out who he was.

I saw realization cross his features and he turned his gaze away from mine. I was a bit disappointed. I decided to think nothing of it turning my attention away from him. Trish had been rambling on this whole time about something while I was off in dreamland. As I took another shot I felt my body getting light and knew I was reaching that drunken level. I was giggling at everything Trish was saying. The bartender served us another round. Somehow I was able to pick up the shot and throw it back not even feeling the burn this time.

I looked over to see the big brute was still there. Geez, he really was a huge guy all around, powerful shoulders that looked like he could lift anything with ease, his long legs straddle the tiny seat below him. I can tell just how muscular his thighs are with the way his jeans hug them. He takes a large gulp of his drink. I watch as his Adam’s apple bobs, his neck is thick and corded.

I don’t know what possesses me, I lean over and tell Trish what I’m about to do. She giggles, and gives me a thumbs up. I gathered all the courage I had standing on wobbly legs. I righted myself and confidently walked over to him.

“Can I buy you a drink?” I said hitting myself on the inside for such a dumb question.

His eyes look away from his glass. I see the scar that runs jaggedly from his right eyebrow all the way down to his neck disappearing under the collar of his shirt. There was another slash that curved around the right side of his eye and a knick in his eyebrow. Another was below his bottom lip. It was small, but visible up close. Even with all the scars, it didn’t distract from just how handsome he truly was now that I was able to get this close to him. He just stared at me with those dark eyes, not answering my question, but succeeding in making me uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you. I just saw you and thought you might want to, you know, go back to my place…”

He stood up to his full height. Oh, _fuck_ he was _way_ taller than I had previously thought. I had to crane my neck to look up at him. He looked _pissed_. I had made a mistake.

“I-I’m sorry, I guess I made a wrong judgment,” I laughed out nervously.

He threw cash on the bar, grabbing my wrist pulling me towards the entrance. I followed because I was an idiot plain and simple. We arrived at an alley before I could even say anything I was pushed roughly up against a wall. A gasp escaped me, all the air had been taken from me. He slammed his palms on the wall next to my head, successfully caging me in. He was breathing harshly and his pupils were dilating.

“Is that what you do often? Come up to random guys and offer them your snatch?” He growled.

I was terrified at this point, but there really was nowhere I could go, “No, it’s my birthday, I’ve been drinking, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“So every time you drink you decide ‘oh hey I’ll go up to strange men and just see if they want to go back to my place’ to what princess, drink tea and eat pastries? That’s not what’s gonna happen, they’re going to tear your pretty panties off and fuck you like a whore. They could even do worse if you’re not careful.” I could feel the rage radiating off of him.

I didn’t understand why I was getting a pep talk when all I wanted was a quick screw.

“I’m not an idiot, I don’t always go out and fuck random men, but I saw you and I wanted you alright? Do you want me to apologize for finding you physically appealing? I’m pretty sure with arms like that you can hold me down for hours and fuck me all you like. I don’t care what you call me. I’m not ashamed for wanting just sex with you.”

“When the fuck did you get a mouth like that, Rey.”

I was taken aback. I felt my brows draw together to convey what I was feeling to him, “How do you know my name?”

“Are you serious? You really can’t tell who I am?”

I looked at him once again, but there was still no recognition. “No, I really can’t”

“Kylo, does that name ring a bell?” I felt my heart drop to my stomach, everything clicked into place, and I felt my legs starting to give out.

“K-Kylo??”

“Yeah, I didn’t think I looked that different.”

“You’re way bigger! How was I supposed to know that was you??”

“I don’t know, I just thought I looked the same.”

“Ugh, I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why?”

“I just was asking you to fuck me as a one night stand Kylo, of course, I’m embarrassed by that!”

“I still can’t believe you let men you don’t even know aren’t killers come home with you.”

“I’ve only done it like twice.”

“Twice too many for my liking.”

“You had your chance Kylo.”

“I couldn’t bring you into my corrupt world Rey,” a humorless laugh escapes him, “I became a marine and ended up doing things no man should ever have to do. I’m even more fucked up in the head than I was back when I told you to forget about me.”

My heart hurts for him, “I know you had to do what you had to do, but I never forgot about you Kylo…I guess I still see you as that teenager. I thought you were big then, but you are much bigger now that’s a fact.”

“It’s called lots of protein intake and working out constantly. It wasn’t easy.”

“Well, your hard work paid off.”

“So, what the hell are you doing here?” He asks shoving his hands into his pockets, suddenly looking antsy.

“I turned 21 today, so I’m celebrating.”

“How’s that going for you?”

“Pretty drunk.”

He let out a laugh, a sound that made me warm inside. “Well, drunk is always a fun time if you do it right.”

“I’m like 8 shots deep, so, I think I’m doing it right.”

“Yes, you sure are. I guess I should let you go back inside,” he says backing away from me.

“Are you back for good?”

“Yes, I got myself discharged. I’m going to be helping your brother out at the shop a bit, but I’m going to be teaching some classes at the college too.”

“Oh, what are you going to teach?”

“History.”

“I didn’t realize you were into that.”

“Yup, I took classes while in the Marines. I figured it would help me stay busy. It’s not really about the money, more to just get back into the swing of life I guess is what my psychiatrist says.”

“Oh…you see a psychiatrist?”

“Yes, I struggle with PTSD. I have a service dog named Jack. He’s the cutest pit-bull you’ll ever fucking see, big blue eyes, and sleek grey fur. He’s just a mood brightener. I’d be pretty lost without him.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through that, but I’m glad you met a new best friend. I know my brother can be too much to handle sometimes.”

That made him laugh, “It was really good seeing you again Rey, promise me you’ll stop sleeping with strange men at bars?”

“I can’t promise you that,” I whispered. He was back crowding my space. He grasped onto my chin with calloused fingers, tilting my head back to look up at him.

“Please?” His dark eyes flitted between mine.

“I like sex Kylo, what do you want me to say?”

“Yeah, you like sex? So all these guys make you feel good? They make you come so hard you can’t even think for a good ten minutes?”

My mind was all over the place as my heart raced, trying to escape my chest. “Well, no it’s not that great every time…it’s never been intense, but I still like it.”

“You don’t even know what amazing sex is like. You’ll know when the right guy comes along.”

“Well, the only way I’ll find that out is sleeping with more men, right?”

His eyes were so dark it was starting to scare me, but I stood my ground. Suddenly, his lips were pressed against mine. I let out a gasp and his tongue made its way into my mouth. I groaned meeting his strokes with my own. My fingers grasped onto the short hair on the back of his head. I pulled him closer to me so I could feel all his hard ridges, but just as quickly as he was kissing me he was pulling away. His chest rose and fell harshly. He ran his hand through his hair, looking flustered.

“Kylo, are you okay?” I hesitated as I reached out to stroke his jaw. He pulled away and that’s when I saw the fear in his eyes, my heart sank. My hand dropped back to its side.

“I have to go,” he whispered almost sadly.

I nodded watching him go to a truck, starting it up and quickly vanishing in the distance.

_Why did he always do this to me?_

There one moment and gone the next. My fingers touched my lips where he had burned himself into me.

I wouldn’t ever forget that look in his eyes as long as I live.

* * *

Kylo

I was a fucking idiot. Why the hell had I kissed her?? Shit, shit, shit. I threw my front door open after unlocking it. All the anger vanished when I heard those paws hitting the wood floor making their way to me.

“Hey Jack,” I smiled as he wagged his tail, his floppy tongue hung out of his mouth.

I kneeled down giving him a good back rub and scratches behind his ears. I stood back up to take my pills so I could calm the fuck down. Once I took them I felt relieved and went to wash off the feeling of having her that close to me.

I would like to say that after all these years that nothing could possibly faze me anymore, but that was just a lie. I had seen the death of my best friend right in front of me. I watched the life drain from his once so vivid blue eyes. He was always the one to make things better. It was him. The one with the biggest heart out of all of us, to die on that battlefield never to return home to his wife and daughter.

I saw children and mothers slaughtered without a cause. I’ve seen bombs kill hundreds in its wake. I have witnessed so much death and it will always haunt me for as long as I’m allowed to live.

When I was diagnosed with PTSD I hadn’t even realized I had been suffering from it. Yet, every time a loud sound went off, a truck backfired I instantly went into soldier mode. Constantly searching desperately for my weapon to save me from whatever danger I would be subjected to next. People eyed me warily as if I were a monster that needed to be put back in his cage.

I constantly wake up in cold sweats, still able to feel the burning sensation when I was sliced through my entire face by the enemy. I hear the screams of innocent people dying. I see pale blue eyes staring at the sky, and every day I wonder why it was me who survived. There’s a war going on inside my head. Most people wouldn’t even know my inner turmoil because my expression stays nonchalant, evasive.

Then, like a sudden wave of calm, she creeps back into my mind. The girl who looked up at me as if I was the one who made sure the world went round. Now that I think about it, it’s understandable to why she didn’t recognize me. Most days I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror.

When I left to the marines, I was fresh-faced. A little fucked up in the head due to hanging with the wrong crowd, but I thought being a soldier would get my life straight. That it would teach me discipline. It did both of those things, but I never could have comprehended what I would go through.

I can still see Hux beaming up at me as he showed me a picture of his wife and child. Then like a strike of lightning, he was shot straight through the head in front of me. I remember yelling, dragging him away from the open fire that was being aimed at me next. I held him in my arms, tears fell on their own accord. I was in shock when my squad found me sitting there just rocking Hux back and forth in my arms, mumbling nonsense under my breath.

They told me they had to pry Hux out of my arms because I was refusing to let him go. Six long years of being best friends, doing practically everything together, and constantly making sure we had each other’s backs. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I should have been able to save him. When the pain of his loss becomes so unbearable to the point I can’t contain it-I yell at the top of my lungs and break down into sobs. I miss him so fucking much. Just remembering seeing his daughter holding tightly to her mom’s hands, not understanding why her dad was gone had been the nail in the coffin.

I couldn’t be a soldier anymore.

After finishing my shower, I pulled on sweats laying down on my bed. Jack immediately joined me and cuddled into my side. When I closed my eyes, Rey’s pretty hazel eyes stared back at me. Her enticing lips against my own. I just needed a taste after all this time of still pining for her. She was a tiny thing when I left, she still was, but she had grown into her body. All her luscious curves made me want to feel just how soft she was beneath me. Those thoughts were dangerous. I forced them out of my head.

I fell asleep and as always nightmares plagued me all night long.

* * *


	2. Trouble Will Find Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What I feel now about you then  
> I'm just glad I can't explain  
> You're beautiful and close and young  
> In those ways, we were the same  
> There's a lot I've not forgotten  
> And I let go of other things  
> If I tried, they'd probably be  
> Hard to find."  
> -The National

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took a while and I apologize for the wait. I have finals this week so I've been swamped by that, but tomorrow's my last day!! Hell yes!  
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter!!  
> Much love <3

Kylo

“You seem a little out of it today Kylo, would you like to talk about what’s on your mind?”

I was snapped out of my daze now staring into brown eyes that assessed me. She was trying to see if she could figure out what was wrong just by looking at me. She was surprisingly efficient at doing so. Sometimes I wondered if she was a mind-reader. The pen lodged between her fingers rotated as she waited patiently for me to answer her. Vivid thoughts of my nightmare last night race through my head. I close my eyes breathing in deeply and exhaling on a tremulous breath.

I’m grateful that Janie understands why I act the way I do. She specializes in helping PTSD patients. It was the only reason why I accepted getting help in the first place. If I don’t want to talk she will jot things down on her pad of paper until I decide if I want to discuss what’s going on in my troubled head or not.

I tell her about the episodes I have from time to time and she suggests certain things that I can work on to get better at handling them. However, she never expects me to do so. She tells me that if it doesn’t work for me then we can figure out something different that may help. Most things I try don’t work, but the whole breathing exercise she suggested has been a big factor in calming me down.

My nightmares are the tough part. The only thing that she can really do to help is listening. They will forever stay with me and there’s honestly nothing that will make me forget my time in the war.

“I dreamed of Hux,” I rasp, fingers grasping tighter to the handles of the chair.

Janie straightens in her chair, brown hair shifts off her shoulders due to the movement. She gently nods but doesn’t push me to go on.

“He was happy, so damn happy holding his baby girl in his arms, his wife smiling proudly at both of them. It was how it should have been. He should still be there taking care of his family. He didn’t deserve to be taken out of this world, not like _that_ ,” my voice is choking up, it’s getting harder to breathe, “The dream suddenly turned dark…no longer was he where he belonged…he was there in my arms, gone and never coming back. I wanted him to come back so badly that I held him for hours just talking to him like he wasn’t cold to the touch or that his eyes hadn’t lost their vibrant color. I wish every day that it was me that died on the battlefield. I have nothing to live for.”

The shame that I lived with was unbearable. He was my best friend and I did nothing to protect him. There was just no way I could ever live down the guilt. I miss him so much it hurts. I had never had a friend like him. We actually connected. I was able to tell him what was on my mind. I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable with him.

As a teenager, I constantly kept my guard up because I didn’t think the “friends” in my life were worth telling my deep dark secrets to.

However, when I think of when I was a teenager, I see pretty hazel orbs staring at me with a look of wonder.

She was barely fourteen, I had no right to ogle her. I just couldn’t get enough of how she squirmed under my scrutiny. The kid had no tits or even an ass, and yet no one had ever stared at me the way she did before.

She made me feel wanted and I know she was too young to comprehend what was going on with her emotions, but it didn’t stop me from looking at her.

That night when she was only sixteen I had wanted to do things to her that should never be spoken out loud. I was sick for even thinking the thoughts, but fucking christ, women usually didn’t give me the time of day. I was sure I wasn’t _that_ fucking ugly. Women still would glance at me and turn their attention away as quickly as they could, trying to be inconspicuous.

They never were.

It was probably because my face was set in a permanent scowl. I wasn’t a very approachable guy and usually, my words failed me causing me to sound like an asshole. Rey didn’t cower away from me even though I could tell she was terrified for multiple reasons. Nowadays, the sweet, innocent Rey has turned into a feisty, go-getter, who supposedly loves sex. There’s no way that she has ever had mind-blowing sex. Though I wasn’t the kind of guy to get laid often, there were a couple gals over my time in the army that were more than obliging to roll around under the sheets for a few hours. I was told I was the best lover they had ever had. Not to be cocky, but I knew what I was doing when it came to pleasing a woman.

“Kylo? Kylo are you okay?” Once again I’m pulled out of my wayward thoughts.

Janie tilts her head to the side, “I was telling you that you have so much to live for Kylo and you have somebody at home that relies on you to make it back home whenever you leave. If anything remember that Jack needs you. Don’t give up Kylo. You’re doing so well with getting your life back on track, you’re a history professor, you’re going to be helping your friend at his shop, you get to feel the sun on your face each and every day. These are the things that are going to keep you going. Hux would be so proud of you and this is what he would want you to be doing with your life. Finding happiness. I know it may seem like happiness is a stretch, but Kylo,” she stops to gauge my reaction, I just nod in confirmation, “You deserve so much. You _will_ find your reason for living, trust me.”

I let her words soak in and though it’s a hard pill to swallow, I almost believe her.

_Almost_.

Standing up I thank her before escaping out of the claustrophobic office.

_Happiness?_ What a joke.

* * *

 

Standing in front of the auto shop, I’m brought back to a time where Tanner and I used to lounge on his front porch. Beer in hand as we discussed what car we wanted to work on next. We used to dream about opening a shop together, but I needed to get away. That’s where joining the marines came into play.

Tanner was messed up about my departure even though he would never admit it. I still can see his face when I broke the news to him. The smile he had been wearing instantly dropped and his brows furrowed in confusion. He never spoke a word. He just stared until finally he acknowledged what I had said with a quick nod and went back to tightening a loose cable on his car battery.

We’ve exchanged letters for the entire six years that I was away. I hadn’t seen him since I left. I wasn’t one to come back home for Christmas or any other holiday for that matter.

I wasn’t close with my parents. All my life they had been traveling choosing to neglect me so they could do what they had planned to do before I came into the picture. They made it abundantly clear that I was not supposed to happen. My mom wanted to abort me but had a change of heart at the last minute.

So, I was raised by a nanny who I never really liked. She found joy in hitting and calling me names that would cause any child psychological damage. It was no wonder why I was such a problem child in middle school and high school. I constantly ditched class, never turned in my homework, and wasn’t afraid to get into fights. I smoked and I drank, to say the least I just did what I wanted because I had never known otherwise.

Being back here was a blast from the past and I was nervous to see Tanner after so many years. Gathering what was left of my courage, I made my way into the garage instantly spotting his golden skin and hair. I was surprised to see he had done away with his wavy locks, now opting for a buzzed cut. He wore coveralls, grease stained his hands as he instructed a guy on how to change a radiator hose. When he was done coaching, his eyes flicked over to mine, widening as he stood up to his full height. Even after all this time, Tanner was still stocky as hell.

He was staring at me as if I was a ghost and was about to vanish at any given moment. Being the one to decide to step forward I made my way over to him. He never craned his neck to look up at me like most people did. He was always a stubborn ox. He darted his eyes up to meet mine, but his face remained straight ahead.

“How you been Tanner?” I ask, shoving my hands into my pockets, even more, nervous than I was before due to his reaction.

“Never thought I’d see you again Kylo.” He crosses his arms over his chest.

Okay, maybe I told Rey a white lie when I said I was going to be helping Tanner out at the shop for a bit. In truth, I wanted to see him again and try to mend the relationship I had crushed to pieces when I broke our pack to run a shop together.

“Well, here I am. I’m glad that you accomplished your dream.”

He shrugs his burly shoulders, “It wasn’t like I was going to wait around forever for you to return. Built the shop from the ground up and was able to earn trust with a lot of people so that made the whole process of running a shop on my own a lot easier. Now, I have a decent amount of employees working for me and I’m able to relax more often.”

“I’m happy for you Tanner. You know it was never my intention to hurt you when I left.”

“Give me a break,” he scoffs, “This town was always going to be too small for a guy like you. You had to get away. Of course, I didn’t understand that at first and by the time I did it was already too late. You were gone and I was never able to tell you even through letters that it wasn’t something you should feel bad about. I’ve always been the coward, you know that Kylo. I was never even able to tell my sister that I was proud of what she accomplished when she graduated from college. I’m just glad you’re safe.”

With the mention of Rey, my heart automatically begins to do somersaults inside my chest, “You’re not a coward. It’s good to know that you understood why I had to do what I did.”

“What happened to you out there? Your eyes…” He didn’t continue just shifted his attention to a spot off in the distance.

“I saw a lot of shit no human being should ever witness. I just want to leave it at that if you don’t mind.”

He nodded in response, “So, you want to grab a beer once I’m done here?” Blue eyes meet mine.

“Actually I was curious if you would like a bit of help around here. I need to keep myself busy and I only work two days at the university, so I’d rather not have so much free time.”

His eyes soften. I have never seen Tanner seem so…. _calm_. He’s nothing like the rambunctious teenager who was quick to anger with one hell of a bite to his bark. I never thought I’d see the day where Tanner was tamed, that’s when I noticed the ring on his left hand. That could definitely be the reason. Tanner found a woman that could handle his mood swings and crazy.

“Of course. I’d really love to have you around here more often.”

“Thanks, Tanner. I really appreciate it.”

“Don’t mention it,” he says a wide smile crawling across his face.

“I see you got yourself a wife.” I nod my head at his left hand.

A blush creeps up his neck. He clasps his hand on his nape, “Y-Yeah…I met her a few years back. She was able to make me see that life wasn’t all about being a tough motherfucker. I’d be pretty lost without her.”

That’s how I felt about Rey, but I don’t think this was the best time to mention that I had always had an insane crush on his little sister.

“I’ll have to meet her sometime.”

His entire face lit up, “Hell yeah brother! I’ve mentioned you to her a lot so she would be ecstatic to put a face to the name.”

I spent a few more hours with Tanner, catching up on everything I had missed out on in the past six years. Once we were finished talking, I said my goodbyes and returned home to Jack who danced around my feet as I walked inside.

“Jack you’re going to make me fall,” I laugh and rub his back. He wags his tail happily, tongue flopping out to lick the hand reached out towards him. Once I was able to settle down, Rey fluttered back into my head. Shutting my eyes, I allowed my mind to focus on her pretty face.

It was the first night that no nightmares plagued me.

* * *

 The next morning, I feel fucking great. So great that I decide that it’s finally time to get me some damn groceries versus eating out every single night. Plus, I had noticed that Jack’s food was also running low. I took a quick shower, freshened up, and completed my ensemble with all black clothes. Tugging a hat on my head, I said a quick goodbye to Jack and walked out to my truck.

It took only about ten minutes to arrive at the store. Thank fuck everything I needed to access was close by. It had been the main reason why I chose the quaint house that didn’t have a ton of neighbors nearby surprisingly. Snagging a parking spot, I moseyed inside, grabbing a cart, and began to peruse the deli section. I wanted to try out the new grill I bought a couple days ago. After I stocked up on 4 different pounds of meat, I grabbed some seasoning and made my way to where they sold the dog food.

Without warning, something fell from an aisle, creating a loud boom. It was so loud that I felt it under my feet, my heart sped up to a pace that made it feel like I was about to have a heart attack. Sweat beaded at my temple. I hastily reached behind me to where my weapon used to hang off my side. I found that there was nothing there which made my panic attack even worse. I started to hyperventilate, abandoning my cart. I created distance until I found an aisle that was completely empty and grasped onto one of the shelves. Hanging my head I tried to calm my racing heart and get my breathing under control

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” I cursed under my breath, my voice was trembling. My entire body following suit.

“Kylo?”

_No, No, No!_ This _cannot_ be happening, not when I’m having one of the worst panic attacks of my fucking life. With a slow quirk of my neck, I meet hazel eyes full of worry.

“Fancy meeting you here,” I rasp out knowing full well that I look like a living corpse right about now.

“What’s wrong?” She asks tentatively stepping closer to me.

Rey is no longer the girl I remember.

She used to be so shy that it almost seemed painful. This Rey holds her head on her shoulders proudly, not afraid to stare me straight in the eye. I shouldn’t be surprised it has been six years with no contact with her. When I saw her in that bar it was like being in the past again, where all I could see was her. It was one of the reasons I had to escape. I couldn’t act on my feelings for her. I didn’t have the right to her innocence, but just thinking about some arrogant little prick rutting over her makes my blood boil.

She deserved the world.

I was too fucked in the head though back then and especially now. I didn’t want my demons to taint her. She would always be that innocent little girl that I just wanted to protect more than anything.

I’m lost in my thoughts when her hand touching my bicep rips me out of the daze I succumbed to. Lust tears through me with a force that takes me completely off guard. My breath is quickening for entirely different reasons now and I can see that she notices instantly what has taken over me. Her pupils dilate, choppy breaths escape her as hazel optics roam over my face down my neck and over my body.

“Kylo, are you okay?” She breathily asks.

“You’re dangerous Rey.” The words ripped out of me, feeling like razor blades cutting at my throat.

She is more than dangerous and she knows it.

First of all, she’s the little sister of someone I can officially come to terms with the fact he’s always been one of my best friend’s. Second of all, she’s five years younger than I am and third of all she’s too good for me. She always has been and she always will be.

“I don’t have to be.” She looked so hopeful at that moment that it was breaking my poor black heart.

I shake my head, her face instantly falls, a scowl replacing her smile, “You’ve always have been stubborn Kylo. I just don’t get it, ever since I was fourteen you have been staring at me…I thought that you liked me or something, but when you had the chance to take me you didn’t. I saw how much you wanted me that night when you were on the couch. Why didn’t you make a move?”

I let out a frustrated huff of air, pinning her with a dark look, “You were still a child, and I was an adult.”

“Yet, you kissed me at the bar the other night and then you still didn’t go further than that. So, forgive me for being confused Kylo...”

“Do you _want_ me to fuck you, Rey?” I growl, looming over her tiny frame.

She doesn’t draw back from like I thought she would. Instead, she moves into my space to the point her breasts are brushing against my ribcage. She is so fucking tiny, it would be so easy to have my way with her. Her neck cranes back so she can see my reaction.

“Yes Kylo, it’s what I’ve always wanted…” I see the shy Rey I remember, but it’s quickly replaced with a stern expression that means business.

“Don’t think this is the best place for that.” I finally remember where the hell we are and why I was here in the first place. I needed to grab Jack’s food and get the hell out of here before I took Rey right here in the very public aisle of the grocery store.

“Well, then what would be the right place?”

Here I go crushing all her dreams, “I can’t Rey.”

“And why can’t you?” She hisses, placing her hands on her hips with barely contained anger.

“I have PTSD Rey, it makes me not a very good companion for many reasons.”

“I like you Kylo, alright let’s cut the bullshit. I understand that some moments are going to be harder than others, but I’m prepared for it. I thought I would never get this chance to tell you how much I wanted to be with you, how no guy I’ve ever dated has ever made me feel the way you made me feel just by looking at me. That kiss we shared was the hottest experience of my life,” she laughs humorlessly, “I’m such a fool, after all this time I’m still helplessly in love with the guy that has thrown my emotions through loops. I could never get enough of looking at you back then Kylo and I still can’t help myself. Every time I see you all these feelings rush through me. Please…” She whispers that last word.

It took everything out of me to not pull her to me and tell her I felt the same, but she would never understand why I’m the way I am now. I’m nothing like the teenager I was back then who thought that life still had its sunny moments even in the darkness. I’ve seen the truth-there is no light in this life-it’s all just a fucking lie.

“I’m sorry,” I say and turn away from the girl that holds my heart and balls in her tiny little hand. I run from her because I’m a coward. I’m no- _fucking_ -hero.

* * *

 Rey

Stubborn asshole!!!

I throw my purse on my desk chair and fall unceremoniously back on my soft bed. My heart ached inside my chest, I rubbed circles over the spot, it didn’t alleviate the pain at all.

 I’m sure I caught him at the worst time possible. His knuckles had gone white with how hard he was clutching onto the shelf before him. His staggering height was lessened with the way he was hunched over, mumbling something under his breath, his eyes tightly closed. I saw a bit of sweat run down the side of his temple making its way down over his strong jawline.

He practically jumped out of his skin when I said his name, dark eyes met my own, and I couldn’t help but be extremely worried for him. He was much paler than he usually is. His entire body was shaking. All I ever wanted to do was be there for Kylo, but he shut that door in my face. I understood he had PTSD. I also knew it wasn’t very easy for the partner of a PTSD patient. Still, I wanted to at least try to see if we could make things work. I love him. He couldn’t seem to get that through his thick skull. His eyes were so tortured when he gazed at me. I saw the flicker of desire in his pools of black, yet he still denied me.

My phone ringing made me jump, reaching into my pocket I pulled it out and saw Finn’s face staring back at me. I had met Finn in college. He was my best friend nowadays due to Trish being super busy with her bakery and Rose being hundreds of miles away. Answering with deft fingers, “Hey Finn, what’s up?” I ask.

“Hey, girlfriend! Tell me you’re free to party with Poe and me tonight, pretty please with a cherry on top??” His voice exuded excitement. I couldn’t’ help but instantly feel a lot better than I did before.

“Sure, why not,” I agree.

He squeals into the phone like a little girl that got the pony she wanted for Christmas. “We’ll pick you up at 7 pm sharp! Dress sexy,” he exclaims and hangs up.

Letting out a sigh, I banish thoughts of Kylo from my head deciding to get ready for the adventure I will be going on with Finn and his boyfriend.

When 7 pm rolls around, I’m dressed to the nines in a black dress that hugs all the curves that I have grown into. I pair the dress with red high heels and a light smattering of makeup thrown into the mix. Hearing a honk outside my house, I grab my purse and with the grace of a cat mosey my way over to Poe’s sleek-all black-Camaro.

When I get into the backseat, Finn turns to look at me, “Oh my fucking goodness Rey, you look hella bomb! If I was into women I would totally be trying to get you into my bed all night.”

“Well, if you two are up for a threesome,” I joke with a shrug of my shoulders.

“Naughty naughty,” Poe laughs from the driver’s seat, smoothly doing a U-turn with one hand.

Once Poe is turned around, driving in the correct direction he places his palm on Finn’s thigh and Finn clasps his hand over it.

Finn met Poe about a year ago. Finn was so worried because he was insanely attracted to Poe, but didn’t think that Poe was gay. However, Poe made the first move and squelched all the fear Finn had about Poe not returning his feelings. They rarely argued and always were giving each other goo gaga eyes. Sometimes it made me jealous because I wanted someone to look at me like that.

Eyes like shadows flash in my head, my heart stutters. Kylo has always gazed at me the way I wanted a guy to look at me. With pure unadulterated hunger. It wasn't simply the desire for more than a quick roll under the sheets. I was aware of the fact that Kylo did have feelings for me. His demons were haunting him and he was terrified to let me see the chaos that lived within him. Maybe if he just opened his damn heart to me he would see that I could be the balm to his nightmares.

Poe, Finn, and I end up going bar hopping. To say the least, I’m having the time of my life. We order hilarious shots called, blow job, wet pussy, Scooby snack, and so forth. I laugh my ass off as Poe and Finn get down on the dance floor of one bar, making the other patrons join in on the fun. They were able to get an entire crowd on that dance floor, it was amazing. They pulled my unwilling body onto the dance floor, soon enough I let myself unwind and let the sweat run down my spine not giving a shit anymore if I looked like a hot mess. After hours of going way too hard, we decided to settle down and have a few drinks at a bar that was less populated.

Taking a seat at the bar we all ordered a fancy mixed drink and discussed whether this was the last bar we were going to hit up or if we wanted to go to a dance club after this. I was more adamant about going home after this, but it seemed as if Finn and Poe still wanted to live the night up. A familiar scent takes hold of my senses abruptly, causing me to whip my head in the direction of where it is coming from. Holy shit! _What the hell is he doing here??_

His hair has grown significantly. I could tell when he was wearing the hat earlier, little wisps of raven hair were curling around the edge of the hat. Now, that I was able to see it without the barrier it made me want to run my fingers through it. Remembering how soft it was when I was grasping onto it to tether myself to this world as his mouth claimed mine in a passionate kiss.

He’s wearing a short-sleeved black button up shirt that is making me want to unbutton every single button with slow, teasing fingers feeling the soft skin underneath. His biceps are huge, so damn muscular. I think of how easy it would be for him to heft me into his arms and fuck me up against a wall like I know he’s dreamed of doing.

The scar that marred his face looks so painful, but it shows the agony he has had to go through to protect his country. I have never understood how so many people treat veterans like utter shit. As if they didn’t go out there risking their lives so we can sleep in our cozy beds each and every night.

There were too many people that I’ve witnessed treat veterans like they belong in the loony bin. Only because when they hear loud sounds that remind them of the war they react like they are still out there on that battlefield. It made my heart hurt for Kylo especially. I may not know what he witnessed out there, but whatever it was it was something so agonizing that the thought still followed him around wherever he went. Never letting go of him.

It’s like a red string that binds us together that causes him to straighten in his seat. Midnight orbs flitter over to meet mine. Something flashes beneath the surface of his hardened expression, he quickly replaces it with a curious look.

His scarred eyebrow quirks up. He can’t help but to do a quick perusal of my attire and in return, I tilt my head to the side narrowing my eyes at him. The vein in his corded neck throbs. His shoulders are straining the seams of the shirt, his bulging chest rises and falls. Dark eyes dilating.

“Are you going to eye fuck him all night or are you going to make a move,” Finn teases by my ear, his breath causes the wisps of my hair to flutter.

I watch as Kylo pins Finn with a look that screams danger.

“Oops, he thinks I’m invading on his territory.”

A laugh escapes Finn, while Kylo is still watching him he leans over and plants a messy kiss on Poe’s mouth. Kylo’s brows furrow and he flits his eyes back to me.

I shrug my shoulders in response, taking a sip of my drink and revel in the way it catches his attention. He stares at my lips as they wrap around the straw. I can only imagine what he is thinking.

For added measure I lick away the droplet that had gotten caught on my upper lip, pools of black follow the motion. Suddenly, he’s throwing his drink back, and on unsteady legs, he marches out the front door of the bar.

“You going to follow him?” Finn leans back in.

“Why should I?” I glower at him.

“He seemed pretty drunk, maybe you should make sure the idiot isn’t driving.”

“He’s a big boy, he can handle himself,” I humph pounding more of my drink.

“Rey, he’s Kylo right?”

I twist my body to face him now, “And how would you know that?”

He stares at me like I’m a big ol’ dummy, “Trust me, babe,, you don’t make it not noticeable, now get your ass off this stool and go out there to see if he is calling a taxi or trying to get into his macho truck to drive off and either kill someone or himself.”

“Fine,” I say rolling my eyes, standing to my feet noting just how drunk I really was at this point.

I made my way outside, looking side to side until I noticed Kylo was leaning up against the wall of the bar. Smoke was flitting into the air, gathering my confidence I sashay over to him.

The cigarette is lodged between two scarred fingers. He stares down at me feigning nonchalance.

“Can I help you?” He huskily drawls, shoving his free hand into his jeans pockets.

“See you're back to smoking.”

“Haven’t done it in about six years, but I’ve been particularly stressed out lately so-,” he cuts off and raises the cigarette back to lips I’ve been wanting to have a taste of once again.

“I know another way to help with your stress,” I whisper seductively.

He chuckles, “Oh yeah? And what would that be?” He reminds me of the Cheshire cat right about now, his eyes spark with mischief, and a lazy smile warps his face.

“I could suck your dick.”

“Do you even know how to do that?” He mocks, throwing his cigarette on the ground, snuffing it out with the toe of his combat boot.

“Only one way to find out right?” I challenged, stepping closer to him.

“Rey,” he warns, trying to draw away from me, but his back is already firmly pressed against the wall behind him.

“C’mon Kylo, are you just going to keep running away from your feelings or are you finally going to give into what I know you’ve always wanted?”

“I fucking can’t,” he snarls, pushing me aside walking towards the alley beside the bar. I wind up following him.

“You’re a coward Kylo!”

The words trigger him because I’m now slammed up against a wall, dark pools of rage meet my terrified ones, “Fuck you, Rey, you know nothing!”

“Then tell me Kylo! You’re the one who won’t open up to me!”

Our breaths are mingling together, both our chests rising and falling quickly as we stare each other down.

“You don’t want to know the things I’ve had to see Rey, trust me on that.”

“I want to be there for you Kylo! I want to get you through your dark moments, please just let me help…”

“You can’t help me,” he scoffs shaking his head.

“Give me a fucking chance!”

“I always knew when it came down to it, that you would be the one thing I could never have…I can’t do this to Tanner,” he whispers dejectedly.

“Tanner has nothing to do with our relationship Kylo. I’m a grown woman who can make her own damn decisions.”

“And that’s to suck my cock right?” He spits angrily, rows of white teeth are bared to me. The tick in his jaw makes him look even more like a wild animal.

“Only if you want me to,” I hush out, cowering away from how menacing he looks right now.

He laughs with no humor lacing it, “Of course I want you to, still doesn’t mean I’ll let you.”

I tell myself I’ll be good, that I won’t reach out to unbutton his jeans. I know that’s just an elaborate lie I’ve formed inside my head to put the boundary up between us and the truth.

So, that’s why I do end up getting all up in his space and grasp onto the button that is keeping me from what I want. He fists my curls, stopping my fingers from continuing what they were about to do.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He growls, clutching tighter to my hair.

I’m pretty sure it’s painfully obvious what I was trying to do.

“You know full well what I was after,” I reply back, swallowing down the nerves that are fluttering to the surface.

He tugs my head back a little, my body arches into him on its own vocation. I’m flush against him to the point I can feel the rapid beating of his heart. It’s nice to know that I’m at least having some effect on him.

His chest is shuddering as he tries and fails to get his quickening breath under control.

“And didn’t I fucking tell you that I wasn’t going to allow you to do that?”

He talks in a commanding tone that demands no-nonsense, still, it does things to me.

I can feel the wetness pooling between my thighs as I rub them together, hoping to alleviate the ache. It only further increases my desire for him to just take me in this filthy back alley.

“Kylo please,” I beg, not caring anymore how desperate I sound. A raving need is reflected in his gaze. My body shudders involuntarily. He watches the way it causes my breasts to slide against his chest.

“Fucking damn it, Rey,” he snarls, taking my lips in a bruising kiss. His tongue demands entrance and all I can do is allow it. I grasp onto the front of his shirt, feeling the warmth radiating off of the muscles underneath the material that is keeping me from touching the skin I’m desperate to feel.

 He’s devouring my lips like a man that has been stranded in the desert for most of his life and maybe that isn’t too far from the truth. He had been away at war for six long years, who is to say he didn’t get much action out there. I push the jealous thought of another woman seeing his body and pull him closer so that he’s crushing me with all his massive weight.

He growls into the kiss. I whimper in pleasure as his tongue licks a long path over the roof of my mouth, my tongue, and over my teeth. His grip tightens in my hair to the point that it is almost unbearable, but there is no way in hell I’m going to stop him now. Not when he’s making me feel alive for the first time in my whole existence.

This is all I’ve ever wanted. All I have ever needed is to have Kylo take what he wants from me. I don’t mind him taking as long as he doesn’t mind me continuing to give and give until finally, these clothes are out of the way so he can bury himself deep inside of me. That thought makes me grow even wetter.

A drop of sweat skates down my spine. He tears his lips away from mine and I’m able to see the intensity of his expression. His pulse pounds viciously in his neck as his dark eyes drilled into mine.

“You would do anything I ask wouldn’t you?” He bitterly laughs before claiming my lips once again in a kiss that threatens to devour my entire being.

He’s not wrong. If Kylo told me to jump I would ask how high. If he told me to get on my knees and suck his cock right here in this alley I would drop to the hard pavement without a second thought. I wouldn't worry about the way the gravel would scrape my knees over and over again to the point that I would be a bleeding mess. I wouldn’t stop until Kylo found his release inside my eager mouth.

He lets go of my hair. I mourn the loss for a split second until he grasps onto the back of my neck with one large hand, his other grabs the end of my dress hiking it up over my ass. I feel the breeze against my soaked panties.

I need him so bad that I feel like I’ll go crazy if he doesn’t do something about this lust that is consuming my every thought.

He trails his warm palm up my thigh until I can feel his thumb teasingly brushing along my panty line. When he finally brushes two fingers over my clothed core, I feel him shudder, “Fuck, you’re soaked, Rey. Tell me how bad you need me then maybe just maybe I’ll give you what you want,” he says as a cocky grin forms on his devastatingly handsome face. It takes a lot out of me not to slap him across the face and leave him alone with his hand, but at this moment I’m unable to control myself.

“I need you more than anything I’ve ever needed in my life.”

I can’t even tell where his pupil and iris begin, they bleed into one another. He doesn’t hesitate to push my panties to the side running two thick calloused fingers over my slick before he thrusts them knuckle deep inside of me. I hold back the cry that threatens to tear out of my throat, instead, I bury my face into his chest.

“Want you to look at me,” he growls by my ear, biting down on the shell of it, “You’re so fucking tight Rey, if I didn’t know any better I would assume you were a virgin.”

Oh _fuck_ , his mouth is _so_ filthy.

I throw my head back against the brick wall, not even feeling the pain that accompanies the thwack. He curls his fingers forward hitting the spot that is sure to make me come a lot faster than I had anticipated.

His fingers continue their ‘come hither’ motion, delving deep inside me just to remind me how much better his cock is going to feel filling me up to the brim. While his fingers work me into a frenzy his thumb swipes over my clit making me cry out, no longer caring who hears me.

“You’re a noisy one,” he chuckles, “Gonna have to make sure you stay quiet.”

He takes my lips in another hungry kiss that makes fireworks go off in my head. His thumb continues to rub hard circles into my clit that is causing me to moan over and over again into his mouth. He eats it up with a moan of his own, bringing me closer and closer to the edge of no return.

“So fucking hot,” he pants against my lips, “I need you, Rey, I always have and I always fucking will. You’re everything to me, so damn perfect." On that note, he thrusts his fingers so deep inside me that I see stars.

His fingers are so thick he’s filling me up so much that it’s bringing tears to the corners of my eyes. I’ve never been brought to such a height of pleasure. I want to bask in it forever. I need him as much as he seems to need me. I want to be consumed by him for as long as I live.

“Come for me baby,” he rasps thrusting his tongue inside my mouth matching the tempo of his fingers. With one last rub on my clit and curl of his fingers against my g-spot. I spiral into a wave of pleasure that drags me down to the bottom of the ocean and spits me right back out so that now I’m gasping for air.

“Damn it, Rey,” he sighs pressing his forehead against mine as I come down from the intense release I just had. His fingers pull out of me making me whimper. “What the fuck are we doing?”

“I don’t know…”

“I don’t regret this and I’m sorry I ran away from you earlier. I’m terrified, Rey.”

“I am too, but we can be terrified together…”

He nods his head before our lips meet for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. I’m not sure where this will go with Kylo, but I at least have to find out…

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thankful to anyone who sits down and reads my story-it truly makes my day so thank you!! <3


	3. Always Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo remembers his past and how it has brought him to what he has always wanted in this life-Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you all enjoy this next chapter!  
> More will definitely be on its way now that I'm officially done with finals. Woot, Woot!  
> Anyways, as always I want to thank you the readers for taking a chance on all my crazy stories.  
> Much love <3

Kylo

**_ 6 years ago… _ **

My heart is pounding a mile a minute in my chest, to think I thought I was in shape before all of this.

What a fucking nightmare. This is the obstacle course of pure torture. The rope that is in front of me seems to reach the sky. I stand before a looming wall that holds this very rope attached to it, taunting me with how far out of reach it truly is. With sweaty hands I grasp onto the rope, beginning to power my way up to the top of this man-made wall from hell.

The scariest thing about climbing a rope that is a little too far off the ground is that you just know if you fall you’re going to break something. That’s why when I lost my grip and began plummeting down the rope, slicing my hands just for good measure I was sure I was going to die. Somehow, I managed to stop myself from continuing to fall and with bloody hands I let my adrenaline take me to the top. When I’m there I desperately try to pull my tired body onto the platform, but I’m out of gas. I was going to pass out and fall to my doom.

Suddenly, I feel a hand grasp my wrist, tugging me forward. With the last bit of my strength, I plant the toes of my boots on the wall using that as leverage to climb up and over to safety. It feels like heaven to feel the solid floor beneath my aching body. I know I still have to make my way down this thing on the other side, but for now, I do everything in my power to gain control of my breathing.

“This wall wasn’t meant for guys built from solid muscle,” a voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

“And what do you mean by that?” I practically growl defensively even though I know he’s the one who saved my ass.

He puts his hands up in surrender, “Didn’t mean anything by it. Just saying that it’s easier for small guys like me. I have less body weight to lug up a rope that never seems to end.”

I huff out a timid laugh, “That does actually make sense.”

He smiles, warm and friendly. I'm not ashamed to say it takes me completely off guard. Vivid blue eyes crinkle with the movement, tiny crow’s feet appear at the corners of them. I notice how pale his skin is and how it offsets his fire red hair. He really is a lanky dude. When I stand to my feet he’s only a few inches shorter than I am. Usually I dwarf people, but this guy doesn’t seem to be too far in height from me. It’s kind of nice to be able to look at someone almost eye to eye after always having to look down at people.

Putting my hand out, I do what I should have done when he first helped me over the wall, “Thank you.”

He placed his hand in mine not giving a fuck that my hand is covered in my blood, “No problem buddy.”

* * *

 

**_ 3 years ago _ **

“Tell me about your parents,” Hux says one night while we lie on the cool sand of Iraq.

Our troops have been stationed here, our camp is not too far off, but Hux and I have always liked to get away from the rambunctious nature of our fellow marines.

“My parents were never around, I hardly knew them, it’s not like they miss me or even care if I’m alive or not. I was a burden to them and the nanny who cared for me was a complete bitch. It made me rebellious, high school was too easy to pass, and college was just not in the cards for me until now. So to put it simply, I don’t have parents. They abandoned me.”

“Holy shit Kylo. I didn’t think you were going to hit me right in the heartstrings.”

“You asked,” I chuckle and place my hands behind my head. I’m enjoying the cool air versus the hot desert heat that will make its presence known once morning arrives.

“I just don’t get how I’m barely finding this out; we’ve known each other for three years now.”

“Well, we usually talk about the good things in life, like your wife, your dog, your cat, hmm practically all our conversations resolve around you,” I tease, “How selfish of you Hux.”

He playfully nudges my side, “It’s just cause you don’t want people to know the nit and gritty about you Kylo,” he jabs back sticking his tongue out at me like we’re two kids on the playground.

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“And by the way I’m adding baby daughter on that list.”

I whip up to a sitting position; my eyes are no doubt bugging out of my skull,

“You’re going to have a kid??”

A goofy grin tugs at the corners of his mouth, “Yeah, I would have told you sooner, but I was still in shock myself. I mean I’ll hardly be able to be there…only during holidays…”

 “Give me a fucking break Hux,” I scoff, “You’re going to be a damn good father and you’ll make the little girl feel like a princess. Don’t think so lowly of yourself, this is your job, but I know you’ll always cherish every moment you have with her.”

“Thanks Kylo,” he whispers.

“Now enough of that go on and ask me anything you want.”

He doesn’t hesitate to do just that.

“Have you ever loved someone?” 

Hazel eyes…

“Yes,” I admit, it makes me feel almost sick to my stomach.

“What was she like?”

“Rey was the sun.”

“Why?”

“Because she was dangerous, you shouldn’t stare at her, shouldn’t dare to touch her because she would burn you from the inside out, but that didn’t mean that you could resist the warmth that exuded from her every pore.”

“Dangerous? How dangerous could she have possibly been?”

I laugh humorlessly, “She had the power to destroy everything. She was too young for me and I was a fucking pervert for ever wanting her.”

“How much younger was she than you?”

“Does it matter? She was still a child.”

“Well, Justine is six years older than me; we met when I was a senior in high school.”

“I knew Rey when she was fourteen. I was nineteen at the time.”

“So you’re saying you had dirty thoughts for her at that age?” He questions, quirking a red brow at me.

I lay back down, “No,” I say through clenched teeth, “But I did when she was sixteen.”

“Did you do anything with her?”

“No.”

“Did you want to?”

“Yes,” I growl, feeling dirty just saying it out loud.

“Kylo, you’re not a fucking pedophile.”

“How am I not? Just because I didn’t touch her doesn’t mean I didn’t think things that I had no right to think about her.”

“Justine liked me when she was twenty-three and I was seventeen, how is that any different?”

“When you put it in a context like that it does seem a lot worse than before,” I groan and wipe my palm over my face.

“I wasn’t going to let age get in the way of a good thing and Rey is old enough to make her own decisions these days. You can’t just let her get away.”

“It’s for the best Hux.”

“You can’t honestly believe that.”

I close my eyes, “It’s the truth, now let me get some shut eye alright buddy?”

I hear him let out a sigh of frustration. He has the right to that, but I can’t tell him that I still do love Rey and if she ever gave me a chance…I really don’t know what I’d do.

* * *

 

**_ One year ago _ **

“I can’t believe you are willing to send letters to her brother, but you can’t send just one to her. What the hell is wrong with you?” We’re standing keeping watch as our men scout the area.

I glare at Hux, he makes a silly face at my scowl, “I already have explained this a thousand times Hux. Rey deserves a guy that is much better than I am.”

“And what is so bad about you Kylo? You are nice, funny, and if I keep going on I’m going to sound like I’m madly in love with you,” he begins to laugh his ass off and I kick dirt at him.

He sputters, wiping it away, this time giving me a glare of his own, “Not cool dickhead.”

“That’s what you get for being a nosy little weasel.”

We both break down in a fit of laughs, once we’re done wiping our tears of laughter away-his face brightens.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to show you this new picture I have of Justine and Janet!” He fishes it out of his pocket and places it in my view.

His wife has their daughter on her shoulders; his daughter is his mini-me, same red hair and big blue eyes. His wife has tan skin, dark hair, and eyes. I’m surprised that his genes outweighed hers.

“She’s beautiful,” I comment earnestly.

My senses went on high alert at the same moment that blood splatters against my face, I stand there immobile as I watch Hux fall forward-everything is going in slow motion as the picture between his fingers slips out and floats to the dirt beneath our feet. I catch him, aware that I yell out in agony, but I can’t hear myself-it’s all white noise at this point as my body takes over my brain. Without realizing it, I’m in a safe place-no gun fire can reach me, and I finally stare down at Hux who lies so still in my arms. Blood is spilling out of the hole the bullet created-destroying so much in its wake.

“Hux,” I whisper, “Wake up buddy.” I gently shake him-I’ve gone delirious with shock. My body is trembling, sweat skates down my spine and beads at my hairline.

When I touch his cheek, it’s so cold. Those eyes that I was so used to being vibrant have now had the life leeched out of them-replaced with pale blues that I don’t recognize. Tears stream down my face as sobs rack my body. I rock his lifeless body back and forth in my arms-holding him tighter to me.

“Don’t leave me Hux…please…think about Justine…what about Janet? You told me you wanted to buy her that Barbie doll for her birthday…you have to…come back,” I cry, but he still doesn’t answer me. I give into the sorrow and let it consume me as I let the world turn black.

“Kylo,” a voice pulls me out of the trance I had gone into, “You have to let him go Kylo, please.”

I can feel hands trying to pry my fingers off of Hux, but I snarl like a wounded animal, lashing out with one arm, clawing at the people who are daring to take Hux from me.

“Please Kylo, you have to let him go, he’s gone Kylo.”

“Put him under,” I hear another voice says. I’m still protecting Hux as a needle pricks my skin before I know it I’m pulled back under…I’m spiraling down and down. I see Hux smiling sadly at me and then he disappears.

* * *

 

**_ Present _ **

There will never be a day that I think Hux deserved to live more than I ever did. He had a wife and child that adored him-he had people to go home to once he was done with the war. The fact he never gets to see his daughter grow up still eats at me. Hux would only want me to be happy and he would actually be proud to see that I listened to him. I finally gave into my feelings for Rey and though it terrifies me-I can’t imagine not being with her anymore. I need her light in my life to help clear up the darkness that plagues me.

It’s why I’m staring at her number like an idiot right about now. All I have to do is press dial, but the thought is makes me anxious and when I get anxious I start to have a panic attack. I inhale deeply and let it out with a large whoosh of air. I swallow down my fear, press the call button, and put the phone to my ear-it rings a couple times and then her voice flits through my ears calming me instantly.

“Hey, it’s Kylo.”

She laughs so sweetly, “I already know that silly, what’s up?”

“Would you want to come have dinner with me at my place tonight?”

“Are you saying that you’re going to cook for me Kylo?” Her voice is so light and free that it suffices to help me to go with the flow.

“Something like that, I might just be ordering Chinese, but it’s definitely not because I know jack shit about cooking,” I joke and revel in the way she laughs so genuinely.

“I’m perfectly fine with Chinese,” she breathily whispers, causing all the blood in my head to travel south, “Only as long as it is accompanied with a six pack of Stone.”

The little minx, “I’ll make it a twelve pack.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk Kylo?”

“Maybe,” I counter, she’s not too far from the truth.

“So I’ll see you at 7?”

“Did you just pick the time you want to come over?” I can’t help the surprised chuckle that escapes me.

“I sure did lover boy. What’s your address?”

I relay it to her, “See you then,” she replies, we both hang up simultaneously.

I instantly get my ass moving to clean my place, Jack runs excitedly in circles around me making sure that I’m always in his sights. I know he gets restless when I’m not around; it’s why I set up a camera so I can keep an eye on him to ensure that he’s doing okay. Most of the time he just mopes around or chews on his favorite toy-sometimes he decides to use the doggy door to go run around the yard-I would like to think that there was more to his life than just protecting me, but that was highly unlikely. Jack lived for me and in all honesty I lived for him too.

I was slowly realizing that there were things to live for-I reminded myself that this is what Hux would have wanted. He wouldn’t want me to go the rest of my life hating myself over what happened to him, he would be disappointed if I decided to live the rest of my days as a hermit-slowly letting myself wither away into dust.

After I’m done making sure my pad is dust free, I hop into the shower and resist the urge to jack off. Pushing all naughty thoughts of Rey out of my mind-I quickly rinse off and run conditioner through my hair-washing it out a couple minutes later. When I’m done, I grab the towel, running it through my hair not caring about the water that rolls down my body onto the bath rug beneath my feet. Opening up the cabinet I grab some gel, squeeze a bit onto my fingers and run them through the dark strands-I style it into a way that makes it look more tamed than usual. My body air dries as I fuss with my hair. When I’m satisfied with the way it looks, I brush my teeth before pulling on black jeans-forgoing boxers-pairing them up with a white button up, rolling the sleeves up to my elbows.

My adrenaline is spiking as it gets closer and closer to seven, with trembling fingers I pull on my socks and adorn my feet with my favorite combat boots. I call the Chinese restaurant that delivers. I order a bunch of chow mein, fried rice, orange chicken, teriyaki chicken, egg rolls. It was going to take about thirty minutes to arrive- so as promised I make a quick trip to the grocery store, picking up the 12 pack of stone and once I got back it was about 6:45.

Nerves were trying to control me; I push them down and do my best to keep my composure. A knock at the door scares the living hell out of me; my heart tumbles down into my stomach until I realize I ordered Chinese food. Fuck, I was going to have to live through that feeling twice!

Grabbing my wallet, I open the door, a young guy stands before me, he holds up the two bags-repeating my order back to me and lets me know the price. I quickly pay him and leave him a large tip because at least someone will have a good night if I don’t. I take the food from him and about to close the door when I see Rey pull up in a mini cooper. It’s not the car I would ever choose for myself-it matches her though-adorable and compact.

She steps out, my jaw threatens to drop open-I clench it instead, not wanting to look like a damn fool in front of her. She’s a fucking goddess standing there looking gorgeous in her floral dress that hugs her curves in all the right places. Chestnut hair hangs in loose waves down to her shoulders and all I can think about is wrapping the strands in my fist as she sucks my cock. Fucking Christ brain, abort the damn mission!

I can’t stop looking at her though, she has legs for days, curves to die for, and the prettiest lips that make me want to never break contact with them. I fucking love the way she keens into my touch, desperate to get closer to me. The little minx would surely be the one to end me when it came down to it all.

“Hey Kylo.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear timidly standing before me. I wasn’t expecting to see nerves splayed out on her face-usually she seemed so straight forward with her feelings-yet right now I was kind of happy that I wasn’t alone in this feeling of being scared out of my mind.

“U-Um hey, you made it here on perfect timing, the food just arrived. You hungry?”

“Starved to be honest.” On cue her stomach rumbles, her cheeks now stained in pink and it only makes her even more enticing.

“Come on in,” I say ushering her into the kitchen. I set the bags down; grab a couple plates, forks, and napkins setting them down on the counter. “I hope you like the food I selected, I should have asked before hanging up.”

“It’s no big deal, I’m not a picky eater especially not when it comes to Chinese food. It’s my favorite.”

“Really?” I raise a skeptical brow at her.

She draws back and shrugs, “Yeah, ever since I was a kid all I’ve ever wanted to eat was Chow Mein. I couldn’t get enough of it.”

I vaguely remember that actually-whenever I did see her eating she always had a bowl of chow mein sitting in front of her. I was surprised that her parents allowed her to eat the same thing all the time, but I’m sure everybody gets in the habit of wanting one specific thing over and over again-my mom and dad didn’t want me eating unhealthy stuff. That was where they tried to parent me-only because they were both vegans so they felt like they had to make sure I followed suit. I rebelled by eating hot dogs, chicken nuggets and any form of meat that was made out of complete garbage-right in front of them just so they could see they had no power or control over me.  It was a childish thing to do and of course I outgrew it. I just wanted them to treat me like a human, not like the scum between their toes.

“I do remember now. I always wondered why your parents constantly would buy that for you.”

“It’s not like they always bought it for me, but whenever I asked they would always agree to getting me some…which was more often than not now that I’m thinking about.”

“Well, I’m glad that I can reunite you with your lover,” I tease.

“But you already have,” she says flirtatiously, fluttering her eyelashes for dramatic effect.

A wolfish smile manifests on my face, I cup the back of her neck pulling her closer to me, enjoying the way her eyes widened upon me doing so. With a lazy stroke of my thumb, I trace along her jaw line-finally giving into what I want and lower a heated kiss to her lips. The instant our lips touch it sets my body on high alert, warmth spreads from my head to my toes causing all the feelings I have for her to spark and flicker with life. Rey was the only person that made me feel like life could be a brighter place for me, but that’s just the thing-I would be lost without her now that I’ve had the taste I had been dying for. The thought of her abandoning me due to the demons that plagued me had me deepening the kiss. She whimpered against my mouth, the beast inside of me roared to life demanding to take over the situation-I put its flame out and pulled away from Rey with much reluctance.

Her lips were swollen; the lipstick that she was wearing now smeared which meant that I was now sporting it on me. I didn’t care when her passion-filled eyes were staring at me with an intensity that made me want to do inexplicable things to her.

“So damn beautiful,” I whispered, stroking my thumb over her bee-stung lips.

“W-we should eat.”

I can only nod in agreement. We both fix ourselves a plate, she takes a seat at the dining table as I grab us both a beer. Taking the caps off, I lower one in front of her, and sit down across from her setting my own beer on the table. For the time being we eat in comfortable silence, both enjoying just being in the same space as one another.

When we finish, I put the dishes in the sink, and grab us both another beer. We move to the couch and settle in next to each other. Taking tentative sips out of our bottles, she makes conversation with me first.

“What’s your favorite color Kylo?”

I look over staring into her eyes which are the prettiest mix of green and brown.

“Your eyes,” I admit without hesitation.

“Well, aren’t you the charmer,” she remarks with a sly smile.

“I’m only answering your question.” I lean in and press a chaste kiss to her lips, “And what about you Rey, what’s your favorite color.”

She reaches up, pushing a strand of hair away from my face-her fingertips dance along my jagged scar, “Red.”

“Why red?” My eyes flit between hers, wondering why out of all the colors she could choose from it had to be red.

Her response comes out of left field, “The tattoo on your left arm, it’s all dark colors spiraling together, but in the midst of it all there’s just a bit of red that stands out against the rest of the tattoo. I couldn’t stop staring because I thought it fit you so perfectly…you seemed to be just this angry guy that didn’t know what the hell he was doing with his life, but you still had hope-hope that life could be better. The red part of the tattoo matches your soul, strong and passionate. It’s been my favorite color ever since that day.”

“I guess we both couldn’t stop staring at one another huh?”

“It’s pretty difficult not to stare at you Kylo.”

“What else do you want to know about me?” I say and take a large swig of my beer. She does the same before answering me.

“Where’s Jack?”

“He’s in my room at the moment; he would be going nuts right now. I have to introduce you to him slowly.”

She nods her head, “I can’t wait to meet him...”

Her eyes turn downcast, pretty brows crease together, “Kylo, would you tell me about your time in the war?”

It was not a topic I really wanted to discuss, but maybe it was finally time to talk about Hux with someone else besides my psychiatrist.

“While I was in boot camp, I met someone who changed the course of my life forever. We knew each other for years, so many years that he was basically my brother. We could talk about anything together from the simple things to the things that weren’t so easy to discuss with another human being. Hux had a wife and a daughter who he loved madly. Hux inspired me to live each day like there was no tomorrow, he taught me so much-I couldn’t envision a life without him in it. We were patrolling an area, I should have been paying more attention, but I didn’t feel like anything was wrong. One moment we’re playing around, he’s showing me a new picture of his wife and daughter-in the next moment he’s falling into my arms. He was shot in the head-” I stop abruptly, rubbing my hand over my aching chest and down the rest of my beer.

I notice there are tears in her eyes, “I’ll stop,” I say but she shakes her head giving me the okay to keep going.

“He died instantly; I managed to get somewhere safe with him. I just sat there talking to him, wishing that he would just come back to me, but I knew that was impossible. When they found me I was so far gone in shock that I lashed out at them when they tried to take Hux out of my arms. They had to sedate me. I was a coward who stood in the shadows at his funeral and resigned from the marines that same day. I still have nightmares about him dying.”

“I’m so sorry Kylo. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose somebody that you care for. You’re not a coward though for not wanting to speak to anyone at the funeral…we all mourn differently.”

“I should have done more to save him, that’s what I’ve always thought, but I understand that there was no way I could have seen that bullet coming. I fucked up and let us be out in the open. Hux was the one who told me to not let you go…I’m glad I listened.”

We change the subject to a much lighter topic after that dark speech. We both have about four beers each and by the fifth one we’re both definitely teetering on boarding the train to drunkville.

I can’t help myself when I push her down on the couch, moving in between her legs so that I can pressed open mouthed kisses over shoulders, to her neck, and along her jaw. With a trembling hand I run my palm up her clothed stomach until I reach the soft flesh that begs me to touch it. I pull down the front of her dress, groaning at the sight of no bra causing a barrier for me. I nip at the tender bud earning a yelp from the goddess beneath me. A dark chuckle rumbles through me, I feel her shiver as it vibrates against her tender flesh. My other hand works her other nipple as I latch onto the one before me, sucking in a tandem that causes her to arch into me-grinding down on my erection.

I can’t help the tormented moan that leaves the confinement of my throat. It’s her eager hands unbuttoning my pants that causes me to break the kiss, staring down at her with lust-filled eyes.

“I really want to suck your cock,” she confesses leaning up to latch our lips together again.

“Fuck, you don’t have to do that Rey.”

“But I want to, please,” she practically begs, pulling my zipper down and reaches in to run her soft palm along my painfully hard shaft.

“Damn it Rey,” I growl and pull away from her touch, positioning myself to where I’m sitting. She seems to get the message, crawling off the couch to sit between my thighs now. She helps me get my pants to my ankles and wastes no time in engulfing my cock into the warm heat of her mouth. My eyes roll to the back of my head, I immediately fist her hair in my hand-shoving my cock down the entirety of her throat. She doesn’t even gag-the little-fucking-minx.

Rey is eager to please, but she also knows exactly what she is doing. She sucks on the tip of my cock making me shiver as I hold onto dear life to her hair that is laced around my fingers. She slowly lowers her mouth inch by inch-pulling away in a teasing matter that causes my brain to malfunction and be completely consumed by how turned on I am right now. Those pretty pink lips of hers are an intoxicating sight to watch as they are wrapped around my thick cock. I’m not small by any standard, but Rey is taking it like a fucking champ. I highly doubt she’ll be able to take it when I’m nine inches deep inside that tight cunt of hers though. That thought propels me closer to my release.

Rey’s hand wraps around the base of me, she pumps in time with each stroke of her mouth around the tip of my cock. Hazel orbs meet mine; the weirdest feeling consumes me. Almost as if someone has decided to sit on my chest and take the life out of me. With a tender touch I stroke her cheek, watching as her eyes darken, her mouth sucks harder on me and her hand picks up in speed.

“That’s it Rey, make me come in that hot little mouth of yours.”

She moans around my cock-it feels so damn good that I almost shoot my load right then and there. I grip her hair harder, making her take all of my cock into her mouth and just like before she obeys without reluctance.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” I growl, shoving my cock over and over again into her willing mouth. She cups my balls and that’s the end of me. I find my release, but she doesn’t stop sucking me until she’s sure there is nothing left to swallow.

“You’re so hot Kylo,” she uttered dreamily.

I scoff, “That’s what I was thinking about you.”

“Would you mind if I stayed over?”

I was worried to have her in my bed due to the nightmares I had, but I at least had to give it a shot so I agreed. Picking her up into my arms wedding style, loving the squeal that escaped her when I did. I managed to get the door open, setting her down on her feet as Jack walked over to her cautiously, sniffing the air to make sure she didn’t have any bad intentions. When he seemed to understand she wasn’t a threat, he wagged his tail and loved every second of the attention she showered upon him. Eventually I took him out of the room, telling him that this was nothing against him, and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead before I shut the door and gave Rey a night shirt to sleep in; I strip down to nothing and earn a whistle behind me. Peering over my shoulder I see Rey staring at my ass, I chuckle, and pull on my briefs.

“Booo, you’re no fun,” she jokes.

“Let’s get some sleep,” I reply, pulling the covers down so she can get in.

My front is pressed against her ass and even though it’s tempting I allow myself to close my eyes-sleep takes hold instantly.

_So Dark._

_So Cold._

_Where am I?_

_“You’re more than a friend Kylo, you’re my brother.”_

_Pale blue eyes stare at me lifelessly, “Why did you let me die?” Blood rolls down his pale face._

_No! No! Noooooo!_

I reach out to what’s next to me grasping onto whatever it may be like a lifeline, my hand is wrapped around something and it feels like I’m crushing the fragile thing. Claws dig into my skin, snapping me out of my nightmare. It’s with horror that I realize my hand is wrapped around Rey’s throat, she’s kicking out- trying to get away from me-my hand tears away from her throat and I hear her inhale a deep breath of oxygen.

“Holy shit Rey! Fuck I’m so fucking sorry!” My voice is trembling and my body is following suit. I’m yanking at my hair, hating myself for what I just did. Her palm on my shoulder causes me to start and she stares at me with forgiveness slashed across her face. That’s definitely not what I deserve. I deserve her fury.

“Kylo, shhh, it’s okay. _I’m okay._ Just calm down.”

“I could have fucking killed you,” I snarl in her face.

She doesn’t cower from me, “But you didn’t.”

“Who knows if I’ll be able to wake up next time!”

“I know you will! Please Kylo, don’t let this one thing cause us to take a hundred steps back. I knew what I was getting into alright? I want to help, so just let me do that for you.”

“I can’t be helped,” I whisper dejectedly.

“Yes you can,” she says as she cups my jaw making me look at her, “I want to be with you Kylo. We can make this work.”

I yank her into my embrace, “Damn it Rey…I just want to keep you safe.”

“You will Kylo…you will.”

“I need you…”

“I need you too Kylo. I always will.”

Somehow we both fall back asleep, but this time I sleep through the night.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!  
> xoxo


	4. Guts over fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously so thankful to all my readers for sticking with me through all my crazy stories that I can't stop myself from posting. You all truly mean the world to me and your comments breathe life into me.
> 
> I've been struggling lately with my emotions and the love I get from all my readers shines a light in the darkness.  
> You all are so kind to me and I appreciate it more than words can express.
> 
> Enough of that sappy shit lol enjoy this whirlwind!
> 
> Much love <3

Rey

Age: 16

I hear soft cries coming from the direction of Tanner’s room. I know that I shouldn’t do what I’m about to do, but without a second thought I’m tiptoeing over towards his closed door. As I draw closer I could clearly hear the sobs ripping from my brother’s chest and my brows furrow in confusion.

I’m unclear to what possesses me to turn the knob that is surprisingly not locked and I push the door open to see my brother sitting on the edge of his bed, his face buried in his hands.

I watch the way his chest expands; the choked sounds that come from him that make him sound like a wounded animal. I’m afraid to talk, but words manage to slip off my tongue.

“T-Tanner? What’s wrong?” My voice shakes, but I stand my ground even when his head whips up at the sound of my voice and I see the pure agony written across his face. Tears stain his golden cheeks; blue eyes are sorrowful and tortured.

I had made a mistake by disturbing this private moment. Without a doubt I was the first person to ever see him this broken.

Tanner was considered a troubled teenager; he never did well in school, and barely managed to graduate. He had gotten in trouble with smoking pot one too many times and had no fear to drink an entire bottle of whiskey by himself. He slept with any girl that was willing and somehow had managed not to get anyone pregnant. To say the least, Tanner was not one to cry-he had the perpetual bad boy thing down to the t.

Tanner staggered to his feet and was in front of me in the next heartbeat stealing the oxygen from my lungs. Fear froze me to the spot as I awaited his anger.

“Who the fuck do you think you are huh?” He snarled. I flinched at the volatile words, but stood my ground.

“What happened?” I bravely asked ignoring his question.

He bared his teeth at me like a rapid dog, “Of course you would want to know where he went,” he laughs humorlessly, “You were begging for his cock for so damn long, did he give you what you want sis? Did he stick his cock in ya?”

I understood he was angry, lashing out, and saying vile things that made me sick to my stomach, but he had no right to treat me like this.

“You’re a coward Tanner, you always have been and you always will be,” I say through clenched teeth, I’m white-knuckling, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay and then you take your anger out on me. You’re a jackass! You’re saying vulgar things that you have no right to say to me. If it were the case that Kylo and I ever did anything together, it would be none of your fucking business!”

I’m breathing hard by the time I finish my speech and I’m happy to say that my brother looks astonished for the first time in his life.

We stand there staring each other down until finally he gives in, his shoulders sag and he falls back on the bed, “He’s gone.”

I’m confused by his vagueness, so I question further, “Gone? Who’s gone?”

“Kylo. He joined the marines; the bastard is going to get himself killed!” A tear slipped down his cheek, his lip quivered slightly.

It’s as if someone wrapped a chain around my heart and tugged and tugged until it ripped out of my chest. The pain that shoots through my body makes me weak in the knees. I feel like I’m going to throw up all over Tanner’s blue carpet.

Gone? Marines?

“He was my best friend and he just abandoned me,” my brother cries. I decide to shove my feelings down to the pit of my stomach, letting them boil there, and I move towards my brother. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into me. His mass swamps my own, but at this moment he feels so small and weak.

“He’ll be okay Tanner. I promise.”

I could only hope those words rang true in the end.

I sat there for what felt like hours holding Tanner until finally we let each other go and he passed out. Even in sleep he was restless and my heart hurt for him.

I forced myself out of his room, shutting the door quietly behind me with a soft click, and made my way back into my own, plopping down on my bed.

Kylo was really gone. He went to a place where I can’t reach him and the possibility that he could die hung over my head. I couldn’t help myself and let the sobs rack my body. The tears drenched my pillow case and I gasped for air as the weight of his departure dawned on me.

He could die.

Kylo could leave this world and I wouldn’t even know.

I wouldn’t have even been able to tell him how I felt if that happens.

I continued to cry and prayed to a God I didn’t even believe in to keep him safe.

* * *

 

Rey

Age: 18

“We’re finally free!” Rose twirls around as Trish and I follow her closely onto the beach where a bunch of others kids from our year are celebrating after graduating.

“Free for the time being,” Trish chimes in rolling her eyes at Rose’s carefree attitude.

Rose stops her twirling and fixes Trish with a glare, “Way to be a buzz kill,” she mutters.

Trish just sticks her tongue out at Rose and Rose flips her off playfully. She goes over to catch up with some of her other friends that are hanging around a bon-fire. Trish and I venture over to a keg; each of us grabbed a red solo cup and filled them up with the frothy beer.

Neither one of us really wanted to come to this “party” but Rose had insisted that we all go and that’s how we ended up here drinking shitty beer. My eyes wander over the party-goers whose faces are all somewhat familiar, but I wasn’t really the type to talk to anybody in high school, besides Trish and Rose.

Trish spotted a guy that she had a crush on and told me she was going to go talk to him. I nodded and continued to sip on the beer that was actually quite disgusting. I kicked at the sand a little bit; suddenly someone was standing beside me.

When I looked over the guy standing next to me was impressively tall, blonde hair was cut short, and his dark eyes reminded me of eyes that I missed a little too much. He was all hard muscle and he gave me a shy smile.

“Hey, I’m Chase,” he said extending a tan hand towards me.

“Rey,” I replied kindly, placing my own in his. It was warm and didn’t feel all that bad if I was being honest.

When we pulled away, we both stood there awkwardly for a moment until he spoke again, “So, what are your plans now that high school is officially over?”

“I’m going to become a social worker, how about you?”

“Fireman.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

He chuckled and it was a sweet sound that made my heart flutter just a bit, “It is, but I’m willing to make the sacrifice.”

“Must take a lot of guts to go into a burning building. I applaud you.”

“Well, thank you. Being a social worker takes guts too.”

“I guess so…I’ve just always wanted to help kids in need.”

“Means you got a good heart, that’s always a great thing to find in a person.”

“I suppose it is. Say, do you have a good heart Chase?” I say almost seductively. I surprise myself with the sultry words, but this guy is handsome and if I’m going to lose my virginity to anyone it’s going to be to him.

I revel in the way his cheeks flush, his eyes turn downcast, “I think I do.”

“You think you can be bad for just a bit,” I whisper moving closer to him.

His eyes look torn as they meet mine, they dart hurriedly over my body and I can see the way his pupils dilate that he likes what he sees.

“A-are you sure about this Rey? We just met…”

“I know, but I want you and I’m going to be going to college full-time and you’re going to be a fire-man-who’s to say we can’t have a little fun before that all crashes down on us.”

He searches my eyes one final time before he makes his decision.

We wind up in the back of his truck, frantically kissing, and tugging at one another’s clothes. It hurts when he enters me and I claw at his back trying to will the pain to alleviate. Chase is kind though and doesn’t even dare continue to thrust until he feels me relax around him. His movements are unsure and I realize that he’s also a virgin. His face is pressed into my shoulder as he tries to find an angle that works for both of us and does his best to hold off his own release. It’s a short time later when he apologizes profusely for being unskilled in the sack, but I calm him with words and he casts his head in shame. In another life I believe I would have been his, but when his eyes meet mine all I can see is Kylo.

I apologize and pull my clothes on, darting away from his truck and let the tears fall freely wishing that it was Kylo that had taken what I had been holding on just for him for much too long. I cried for the man I loved and for the poor innocent soul that had shown me that it was possible to love another, but it would never be enough.

When Trish and Rose found me crying in my car they knew that it was time to go home. They didn’t push for answers; instead Rose let me cry on her shoulder until I finally fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Rey

Present

 I’m watching Kylo as we stand in line waiting to get a cup of coffee. He drums his fingers against his biceps. I’ve come to realize it’s just one of his many nervous ticks.

Kylo used to be so calm; he would always be standing so stoically whenever he grasped my attention which was 99 percent of the time. He would never pace, never get antsy from standing in one place for too long, but nowadays it seems as if he can’t stand still for more than a couple of seconds.

He’ll run his fingers through his hair constantly, shift side to side on his feet, look around as if there is danger lurking around every corner. I’m positive he doesn’t realize that he does all this-I just don’t have the heart to point it out. I don’t want him to think it’s a bad thing that he is so jittery-people eye him warily though as if it at any moment he’s going to explode. I scowl at them and they quickly look away. That’s what I thought.

When we reach the counter, Kylo tells her that he wants a caramel macchiato-another thing that surprised me is that he has a major sweet tooth. I figured a guy like him would only drink coffee black, but every time we go to this shop he always orders something that has a good amount of sugar in it. I prefer iced coffee and he already knows what I want so he orders for me. After he pays for the drinks, we stand off to the side to allow other customers to place their order.

“What if I wanted something different?” I tease, poking his bicep.

He shifts his attention to me; a smirk tugs at the corner of his lips, “I’m pretty sure you would have had no problem telling me so, my little minx.”

He leans down, pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. I can’t get over how affectionate Kylo is-I thought he wouldn’t be one for PDA, but he’s always pressing kisses to my forehead, the top of my hair, my lips-any chance he can get-he takes it.

 His name is called out, after grabbing our drinks we sit outside on the patio, enjoying the breeze-summer is on its way and it’s definitely not my favorite type of weather. I prefer the cold in any situation.

“What was Hux like?” I ask tentatively.

 Kylo and I have been dating for a couple months now; somehow we’ve managed to touch each other in every way possible except-we haven’t had sex yet. Every time I’m about to cross that line, he stops me-he tells me he wants to wait until the right moment, but c’mon Kylo is hot as hell and to be frank it’s hard to resist wanting to be with him in that way.

We’ve been able to talk about a lot of things, but I haven’t really brought up the whole Hux topic since he told me what happened. I’m a bit nervous that he will brush me off and forever not tell me what’s going on inside his head.

I’m surprised when a smile becomes plastered across his face, “He was hilarious; the guy could make me laugh in my darkest moments. He had a heart that was too big for his chest; he was so caring, passionate about what he loved, and a go-getter. He had dreams to travel the world with his wife and daughter once he was done being a marine. All the time he would tell me these crazy historical facts about any country that you could possibly name-I never understood how or why he had all this knowledge up in that head of his, but it never ceased to bring a smile to my face. He was bursting at the seams with happiness, the guy was rarely sad-his sadness only ever stemmed from seeing things that were downright cruel. He never let the fact that he couldn’t see his wife or daughter get to him-it was enough just to talk about them and work hard to get back to them in due time,” he stops, eyes lifting up to mine now-the wave of emotions racing through his dark orbs makes me gasp, “He deserved to live…not me,” he whispers.

“That’s not true!” I exclaim, covering my mouth after that outburst. I can feel the warmth spreading up my neck to taint my face.

His smile doesn’t reach his eyes this time around, “He had so much to live for.”

“And you’re saying you don’t?” I try not to sound offended, but I really am. It feels like an elephant just sat on my heart.

“Baby, I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh and insensitive. Of course I have a lot to live for, but it still doesn’t mean that I don’t harbor these feelings of guilt about what happened to Hux. He was my best friend and he deserved to live a long and happy life.”

“So do you Kylo.”

How can he not realize that I would give him everything if he just gave me the chance. I can feel him holding back with me constantly. I understand that he’s scared, he doesn’t want to hurt me, but he’s hurting me by resisting me so much. I want to be with Kylo forever if forever will allow it.

 Kylo’s face had gone blank. His defensive wall rises and it’s like I can actually see the barrier that is keeping me from seeing the truth that he hides much too well.

“I don’t deserve jack shit Rey.”

This is how Kylo gets when I start trying to tear down the walls he has so meticulously built to keep everyone from getting too close to him. The last person who was able to see the real Kylo was without a doubt Hux.

“You deserve everything life has to offer, Hux’s death is not your fault.”

“Yes it was,” he says low and guttural. Danger flashes behind his eyes, “If I had been paying attention I would have been able to notice the sniper that took his life-I was too distracted and it cost him his life.”

“You can’t go on doing this to yourself Kylo, it will only bring you pain.”

“It’s too late for that.”

“It’s never too late!” I shout and Kylo’s eyes widen at my outburst.

I sink down in my chair slightly, aware that people are glaring at me for being so damn loud.

A smirk crawls on Kylo’s frustratingly handsome face, “You’re cute.”

“Shut up,” I mutter.

“On a serious note, thank you Rey. You’re a saint.”

“Far from it.”

“Just accept the compliment for fucks sake.”

“I will when you accept that you deserve to live.”

He lets out a sigh, “Fine, I deserve to live.”

“Then I’m a saint,” I reply sticking my tongue out at him for added measure.

His pupils dilate and before I know it he’s hunching over the table grasping my jaw in his large hand. He bites down gently on my proffered tongue and then sits back into his chair with a wolfish grin.

“If I’m a saint you’re the devil!” I laugh obnoxiously and ignore the hateful looks of other patrons.

Kylo makes me feel alive, every look, every kiss, and touch makes me want get lost with him forever.

His laughs are glorious, full on from the belly, and the way his eyes crinkle is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. Seeing Kylo like this reminds me of the confident teenager he was before he walked out of my life and left me to wonder what could have been.

Now that we were together I finally was living out my dream of being with Kylo and it’s better than I could have imagined.

We leave the coffee shop and wander down the streets, window shopping-chatting about anything and everything all at once.

“So, I think it’s time that we tell Tanner about us,” he mentions as he wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me into his warm side. I wrap my arm around his tapered waist and sink further into him.

“I’m scared,” I murmur. I was terrified to tell Tanner, he was doing better about being open with me, but that didn’t mean he’d be over the moon to find out about Kylo and I. After all the relentless teasing and getting pissed off about me having a crush on Kylo-I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to Kylo actually liking me back.

“I’m fucking terrified,” Kylo laughs and presses a kiss against the top of my head.

“How should we go about it?” I bite down on my lip, not sure what the best way would be to tell my brother.

“How about we ask him to come over for dinner at my place. He’ll be happy to see Jack and hopefully I can get some booze into him so he doesn’t murder me.”

I let out an obnoxious laugh, snort and all which causes Kylo to start laughing his ass off. We probably look like two idiots to everybody else, but these are the moments that I cherish with Kylo the most.

“I really hope he doesn’t murder you, I kind of like you,” I tease.

“All he’s going to be thinking about is what I’ve done to taint his baby sister and then he’s going to try to strangle me.”

“I’m sure your military background will back you up in a fight.”

“Not when it comes to a scary ass angry older brother that just found out his best friend is getting at his sister. Trust me, he’s not going to be happy, but we can’t hide this from him forever.”

I let out a sigh, “Then dinner it is.”

“Don’t worry baby, it will be like a band-aid, quick and just a little bit painful.”

“I’ll call him today. Does this Saturday work for you?” I gaze up at him, my eyes trace along his strong jaw-line that is making me really want to nip at it right about now.

“Works for me.” He stares down at me, noticing the way I’m looking at him. His eyes darken and suddenly I’m being pushed up against a wall- still very much in the eyesight of other patrons.

His lips descend on mine, I can only gasp into the kiss and grasp onto his wide-set shoulders. His tongue runs along the roof of my mouth before dominating my own tongue that is eagerly trying to keep up with his heated one. He cups my jaw with one strong hand forcing my mouth to open wider. I moan helplessly, feeling so needy beneath him.

His erection is pressing into my stomach, the temptation to get him off right here is at an all-time-high, but I’m aware that we’re already probably getting looks of disgust for our very public display of ‘affection.’

When he pulls away, he presses his forehead against mine, his thumb tugs at my swollen bottom lip. Pools of black stare at me with so much desire that I’m drowning in them.

“K-Kylo,” I whisper.

“I know I’ve been a fuckhead about the whole sex thing. I haven’t been with a woman in years Rey and I’m scared I’m just going to mess the whole thing up. I’m nervous that I’m going to be lacking when it comes to the sack and be a disappointment. I’ve kept you at an arm’s length because I don’t want to drive you away. I’m not trying to be cocky but I know you want to fuck me,” he says, running his thumb over my bottom lip watching the motion as he does so before he shifts his gaze to mine, “Tell me how much you want me to fuck you Rey, I need to hear it.”

The wires in my brain are sparking and malfunctioning as I try to process his dirty words.

“W-What K-Kylo, now isn’t the time to be saying stuff like that,” I murmur my eyes dart to see if anyone is watching and I can see a couple people sneering at us.

“Who fucking cares what everyone else thinks, I want to hear it Rey, no I need to hear you say those words, right now.”

“K-Kylo please.”

“Give them to me,” he growls leaning in to nip at my lip, a whimper escapes my throat.

“I need you to fuck me so bad Kylo. My core aches with how empty it is without your cock filling it up. I’m so needy for it Kylo, I have to finger myself every night because I want it so bad. Please give me your cock.” My voice sounds nothing like my own and I can’t find it in me to care.

Kylo’s chest is rising and falling as he pants over my lips, “Fuck Rey, you going to be patient and wait till Saturday night for me to give you what you want?”

My brows furrow, “Please Kylo, I can’t wait till then.”

“Yes you can and you will. You’re not gonna touch yourself either. Got it?”

“That’s not fair,” I whine and he shushes me with another nip at my lip.

“I don’t fucking care if it’s fair or not, you’re going to listen, right baby?”

I don’t hold back my scowl, “Fine, but if you don’t give me what I want Saturday I will be obliged to kick your ass.”

“Deal,” he chuckles and pulls away from me.

Kylo was a fucking tease.

* * *

 

“So is this dinner a special occasion or something?” Tanner asks on the other end of the phone.

“Um not really, I just thought it would be nice for us all to get together. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, kind of surprised Kylo agreed to this,” he says suspiciously.

“Well, it’s been a while since we all hung out together.”

“I guess so. Do you mind if I invite Lena?”

“Of course not, she’s always welcome.”

“Alright so this is happening at Kylo’s place?”

“Yup.”

“Kind of weird that you’re the one calling to invite me over.”

“Not really. Anyways see you Saturday, bye.” I hung up the phone letting out a whoosh of air. He totally knew something was up. I could only hope he didn’t read too much into it.

“That looked like it went so well,” Finn teases as he files his nails.

I shoot him a glare, “He’s going to find out either way, so if he comes to the conclusion than there’s nothing I can do.”

“Don’t fret too much darling. I’m sure your brother is going to be happy for you.”

“Kylo’s worried that Tanner is going to try to kill him,” I giggle just remembering the way he truly sounded scared. He was so much bigger than Tanner and he also had combat training so there was no way that Tanner would get the upper-hand in a fight.

“I’m sure that Kylo can hold his own.”

“That’s what I told him, but he’s sure Tanner is going to go ape-shit on him.”

“If he does then they’ll just have to figure out a way to get over it together.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Trust me darling, I’m always right. Just ask Poe,” he says with a wink.

I roll my eyes, “Poe would go to the ends of the world just to make sure you remain happy forever.”

“He is pretty amazing,” Finn says dreamily and flutters his lashes.

“I’m glad you two are still going strong.” I join him on the sofa he’s sitting on.

“Me too. I never thought I’d be the type to be in a relationship, but Poe is just so mature and calm. He makes me feel at ease and safe. I really love him.”

“Aww my best friend is in love.” I wrap an arm around his shoulder and he leans into me.

“I guess I am, but so are you dummy.”

“I-I can’t say that just yet.”

“But you are?”

“Of course I am. I’ve known Kylo for a while and I’ve always had feelings for him. So, yes I love him, but I don’t want to scare him away with that talk just yet.”

“Understandable. You’ll know when the right time is.” He gently pats my hand, “But I better be off. Have fun this Saturday okay love?”

I nod and smile, “Of course. Get home safe Finn.”

“Always.” He twiddles his fingers and leaves me with my thoughts.

I’m more than nervous for Saturday, but all I can do is go with the flow. I sink into the sofa and do my best to not think too much about that fateful day. Instead my mind wanders and I fall asleep dreaming of Kylo.

* * *

* * *

 

I nervously shuffle up to Kylo’s door, holding a six pack in one arm and clutching my purse to my side with the other. Tanner is already here, his car parked on the street. I center myself and ring the doorbell awaiting for Kylo to answer it.

It’s Tanner that opens the door, beaming at me with a huge smile, and his cheeks are already flushed signaling he might be buzzed. I guess Kylo wasn’t kidding about that getting Tanner drunk quick part.

“Hey sis, come on in,” Tanner exclaims and steps off to the side so I can walk in. He shuts the door behind me and Jack is eagerly wagging his tail, tongue hanging out as he waits for me to give him some love.

“Hi Jacky boy,” I chuckle and pat his head. He presses into it and melts my heart with the action.

After giving Jack attention I make my way into the kitchen with Tanner close behind. Lena, Tanner’s wife is laughing at whatever Kylo just said. Her red hair is pulled into a high ponytail, green eyes warm and crinkling at the sides. She has a ton of freckles that are scattered across her pale skin and she’s dressed in a casual dress paired with flats.

Then there’s Kylo dressed in a black button up that is rolled up to his elbows revealing the taut muscle of his forearms. He pairs his assemble with black jeans and black combat boots, a beer rests in his large hand as he takes a sip of it as Lena responds to Kylo.

Kylo notices me, he can’t rein back the smoldering look he pins with me. I blush hard under his stare and Lena catches it. I know she does because her brows knit together for a moment before she seems to understand and a smirk crawls along her face.

Lena walks over to me pulling me into a hug, “Girl, you are already giving the gig away,” she whispers and I tense up in her arms. She laughs warmly, “Don’t worry I’ll stay quiet.”

She pulls away from the hug and I’m able to offer the beer over to Kylo who takes it placing it in the fridge, but makes sure to get me one before doing so. He hands it over to me after taking the cap off for me. I mutter a thank you, feeling the tension in the room.

“Let’s eat, I’m starved,” Tanner says rubbing his belly. We all agree and Kylo places a bowl of spaghetti on the table, along with garlic bread, what looks to be homemade sauce, and plates so we can decide how much we want.

Once we all have our plates made, we sit down and talk about Kylo and Tanner’s new car project. Lena tells me what’s been going on in her life and I do the same leaving out the part about Kylo.

Our food is long done, but we all still chat about this and that until Kylo clears his throat.

“I actually have something I need to tell you Tanner,” he says staring Tanner straight in the eye as he does so.

Tanner looks confused, but just nods his head, “Go ahead.”

Kylo takes a deep breath, releasing it and then spills the beans about us, “Rey and I are seeing each other.”

Tanner blinks, remains quiet, and continues to just stare at Kylo like he had just grown three heads, “What?”

“We’re in a relationship,” Kylo repeats patiently.

“Relationship? Like you fuck each other?” Tanner says flatly and tilts his head to the side.

Kylo sighs, “I don’t think the details are necessary Tanner.”

Tanner sits back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, “No I think they are very necessary. So, tell me _are you_ fucking my sister?”

Kylo lets out a low sound of warning, “Tanner, enough.”

“No, I want to know if you’re sticking your cock inside her and for how fucking long. Did you fuck her when she was just a kid?” He accuses and I can feel my heart pounding so hard I think I’m going to pass out.

“Of course I didn’t do that,” Kylo snaps, his jaw twitches.

“But you wanted to and don’t you dare fucking lie.”

“Stop this Tanner,” Lena chimes in, but Tanner ignores her.

“Tell me Kylo did you want to fuck her when she was just a kid and you already an adult?”

Kylo’s breath has quickened, he’s clenching his teeth so hard I can almost hear his teeth cracking, “And if I did?”

“Then you’re fucking scum Kylo and a pervert.”

“You’re the one who liked fucking younger chicks, not me.”

Tanner slams his hands on the table, starling Lena and me as he stands to his feet and Kylo does the same moving around the table to tower over Tanner.

“I always knew she had a crush on you, but really Kylo you liked her too?”

“Yes, I did, but not for her damn body. I liked how tough she was and how she put up with your bullshit after all the shit you put her through. She is beautiful in every way and I was a fucking idiot teenager that had no right to be looking at her, but I didn’t touch her then. She’s twenty-one, she’s old enough to decide what she wants and she wants my stupid-ass, if you think I’m going to lose that because of you then you’re a fool Tanner.”

Tanner is seething, but he seems to process Kylo’s words, snapping his head over to me, “He didn’t touch you when you were younger?”

“No, never!” I declare.

“He treats you right?”

“Yes, better than right.”

Tanner snarls, looking back at Kylo, “You hurt her, then I’ll kill you Kylo.”

“Fine with me,” Kylo says through clenched teeth.

“Can we all just calm the fuck down please,” Lena hisses.

Both of them stare each other down for a moment longer before calling a truce, sitting back down and both downing the remainder of their beer.

Somehow we all manage to get back to talking, more beer enters our system, until finally Lena says it’s time to leave. Kylo and Tanner talk heatedly to one another for a bit before they shake hands and Tanner pulls me into his embrace muttering that Kylo better take care of me. I return the embrace and nod. He kisses my forehead and after I hug Lena goodbye they both set off in her car. I watch them drive away, waving before letting my arm drop back to my side. Geez that was unsettling I think as I heave a sigh.

Kylo comes up beside me, “I’m sorry for all that.”

“At least you had the guts to tell him. Thank you Kylo.”

“Anything for you baby.”

“So, are you two going to be okay?”

He shrugs his shoulders, “Probably.”

“I’m tired, would you mind if we just get some rest?” I tug at my shirt and his warm palm glides along the side of my neck, grasping onto the nape to pull me into his chest.

“That’s perfectly fine with me.”

We make our way back into his house, saying goodnight to Jack as we close the door. Kylo grabs the back of his collar pulling his shirt up and over his head revealing all his hard muscle that is lined with scars from his time in the war. I timidly shuck my jacket off, leaving my long sleeved shirt on before pushing my jeans off so that I’m left in my cotton panties. I get under the covers and feel Kylo’s bare chest press against my back. I can feel the heat radiating off of him through the thin material and shudder when his front presses against my butt.

His warm breath rustles the hairs on the nape of my neck, large palm pushes underneath my shirt splaying itself along my belly, his thumb gently strokes the tender skin and I suppress the urge to moan in delight.

“Goodnight Rey,” he whispers by my ear.

“N-night Kylo.”

I close my eyes, trying not to think about the way our bodies were flush against one another. Somehow I fall asleep.

It must be hours later when suddenly I’m ripped out of my slumber to Kylo thrashing beside me.

“K-Kylo, relax,” I say trying to calm him down, but he’s breathing hard, brows tugged together as he mumbles things I can’t understand, he’s sheathed in a layer of sweat and I’m scared to wake him. I know you’re not supposed to wake anyone out of one of these episodes so I turn back on my side and try to see if he will wake up naturally on his own.

The blood in my ears is roaring making me feel like I’ve gone deaf, suddenly I feel him start, “F-Fucking Christ,” he curses.

He suddenly is tugging me against his hard body, a gasp escapes me as he wraps his arms around my stomach. He buries his head into the crook between my neck and shoulder. He dragged his nose along my shoulder , “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine Kylo. A-are you okay?”

“I am now,” he murmured biting my neck gently. Long fingers roamed teasingly around my navel, trailing up to cup one breast in the warmth of it. I didn’t hold back the moan, arching my ass into his hardening cock.

“Please,” I murmur, the heat becoming overwhelming. I’m embarrassingly wet as he continues to tease my body with his fleeting touches that are driving me crazy. His breaths are choppy as he tugs my bra up so he can circle with one finger around my nipple. He tugs at it. _Hard._

I writhe against his large body behind mine, his fingers continue to tease my nipple-his other hand trails down my abdomen, dives beneath the material of my panties stroking over the soft mound before he slips his fingers through my desire.

He growls low and guttural, “You’re soaked Rey.”

I whimper at his dirty words, “Please I need you.”

“I know, but you have to be patient baby.” He teases my slit, my core clenches as he does so. With his index and middle finger he circles my opening, drawing my slick up to rub it along my clit and he begins to circle the tight bud with gentle ministrations.

He sucks on my pulse point, his cock throbs between us and I hunker down on it eliciting a groan from him. He grinds his erection into my ass, his thumb flicks my nipple as he thrusts one thick digit inside of me. “You’re so tight Rey. I want to put my cock in you, will you let me do that?”

“Yes!”

He chuckles knowingly, “Of course you will, you’ve wanted it for so long I almost feel bad for making you wait a moment longer.”

“Please fuck me Kylo,” I cry out deliriously pressing my face into the mattress.

He ignores me instead driving another finger inside of me, still circling my clit. He continues to bring me to the brink until he stops suddenly to rip my shirt over my head and rids me of my bra pulling my back against his bare chest. He tugs my underwear down with one hand and I abide him eagerly. I manage to kick them down and off around my ankles, Kylo forces his fingers back inside me and I moan loudly grinding my ass into his throbbing cock over and over again.

 Our movements are desperate and needy. Kylo sucks and nips at my back as he fucks me with his fingers mercilessly, “You’re perfect,” he rumbles.

I’m going crazy with how much I want him, his chest is heaving and I know he’s feeling exactly what I’m feeling, but he seems to enjoy the slow torture.

I’m so lost in my lust that I don’t realize he has removed his boxers,  he takes his fingers from inside me, I mourn the loss until he grasps onto the back of my thigh tugging it up to my stomach. He positions himself behind me, I feel the bulbous head pressing against my center, but he still refuses to enter me. Opting to gently rock through my slick as he teases me to the point of madness. I’m shouting for him to fuck me, but he just chuckles behind me and doesn’t do what I ask.

I begin to thrash trying to make him just stick his rod into me already, “I want you to beg for it Rey,” he growls, “Beg until I finally give in.”

I want to yell and claw at him for doing this to me, but if I don’t do what he asks then I know he’ll never thrust home. So I oblige his demand.

“I need your cock so bad, it’s fucking huge, and it’s going to fill me up so good. I don’t even know if I can take it, but I need to find out Kylo. Please give me what I want, please!”

His length twitches, his musky scent is making me dizzy with lust and I’m sure that I’m going to pass out due to the heat that has spanned the entire length of my body. I’m on fire and he’s the only thing that can alleviate the burn.

“Please Kylo! I’m going insane here, my body is on fire! If you don’t fuck me I’m going to die!”

It feels so good for us to finally be skin on skin and even though I hate how much he’s teasing me, I also love it, but he must understand I truly am going to keel over and die if he doesn’t jam his cock inside me because now he’s pressing the tip back against my opening and it’s practically sucking him in as he begins to inch forward.

I shimmy my ass against him, which must be the final straw because he forces his way inside me with a low groan that is torn out of him. I moan at the invasion, he’s fucking huge!

I feel him everywhere, my body is coursing with need as he grips onto my hip; his left arm wraps around my chest and pulls me tight against his own as he begins to drive in and out of me. I can feel all the ridges of his cock as he pulls out to the tip only to slam back inside.

He is stretching me to the point of pain, but the pleasure outweighs it. His cock throbs inside me, I tremble as I already feel my impending release. As if sensing it, he reaches between my thighs to give my needy clit attention. My core clenches so tight around him as he does so, he curses and picks up his pace.

“Damn it Rey, I’m never gonna tire of this tight cunt, you feel so good wrapped around my cock-so warm, wet, so-fucking-tight-,” he enunciates those words with three deep thrusts that make me scream. His hand wraps around my throat as he fucks into me, my breath hitches and I pant as he gently tightens his hold there. His panting, my whimpers, and the wet sound of my cunt taking his cock are the only noises that can be heard in the heated room.

I clamp down hard on him, “That’s it, come for me Rey, come all over my fucking cock.”

He rolls me onto my stomach, now bent over me, he pulls my ass up by my hips and pounds into me. I claw at the bed sheets as he hits me so deep at this angle making me feel like I’m going to black out due to how good it feels. He increases his pace, panting hard behind me. His hand is definitely leaving bruises on my hips as his other hand still works my clit with deep strokes. I bite down on the pillow as my orgasm starts to build to a new level.

I begin to convulse beneath him, “Good girl,” he growls, his hips snap erratically as he too draws closer to release.

My release slams down hard on me and I’m aware I’m crying out his name over and over again. His movements falter and he too finds his release pumping himself through the orgasm as he fills me up. I could care less, thankful that I’m on birth control and shiver at how it feels to have his cum slipping down my thighs.

We were both breathing heavily, he manages to catch his breath first, pressing loving kisses over my sweaty shoulders and pulls out reluctantly from my tight heat.

He rolls beside me and tugs me into his burly arms, stroking my hair, “I’m sorry if I was too much,” he mutters.

“That was amazing Kylo, please don’t be sorry.”

He pulls me into a passionate kiss that we get lost in for a few moments before we pull away, “Stay with me,” he whispered longingly.

“Always,” I reply and nuzzle my head into his chest.

I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

I’m definitely in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3  
> xoxoxoxoxoxo


	5. Life Goes On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter I have ever written in my life, but this story is coming to an end.  
> Hopefully you enjoyed this short story <3  
> Much love <3

Kylo

Four years later

I’m sitting on the beach beer in hand as Rey holds the hand of our son as they jump into the water. He’s giggling so loud I can hear him from where I sit. She looks like a goddess with her golden skin and brown hair that is flowing almost to her perfect ass.

Rey and I hadn’t planned to have a child, but sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you think it will. Cole is a blessing in disguise. I can’t even remember a time where I had an incident with PTSD. Rey and Cole have saved me from a life of loneliness.

Cole waves happily at me, I set my beer down, and walk to where they stand in the water hoisting him into my arms.

“Hey there handsome,” I say with a smile.

He giggles wrapping his arms around my neck, “I love you dada.”

“I love you too buddy.”

Rey looks at us with a look of awe and I lean down to snag a kiss while she is unsuspecting. She swats at me playfully, but I know she loves it. I made her my wife all those years ago and it was the best decision I have ever made. A life without Rey would be bland and dark. She has shown me endless love and there is nothing more I could have asked for in this world.

I know that wherever Rey and I go in this life it will be together with our perfect little angel. Tanner wasn’t too happy about Rey and I being together, but eventually, he warmed up to it all. When he found out he was going to be an uncle he was ecstatic. He ended up being the one to walk Rey down the aisle. It was a small ceremony with our closest friends, but it had been beautiful nonetheless.

I still think of Hux all the time, but that’s only natural. I’ve come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do to save him. I loved him like a brother and I was able to get back in touch with his wife. Their daughter is absolutely beautiful and intelligent. She reminds me so much of Hux. She adores Cole and Cole loves to follow her wherever she goes when we spend time at their house.

Life does go on and sometimes we lose people, but we also gain extraordinary friends along the way. I’ve learned peace, I’ve learned harmony, and most of all I’ve learned what it is like to spread love.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3  
> XOXO

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! <3  
> Much love :)


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